


watch it all (fall down)

by sanjoongy, xxmoony



Series: (no such thing as) beautiful goodbyes [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Attacks, Art Student Choi San, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Head Injury, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Possessive Behavior, Psychology Major Jung Wooyoung, Unhealthy Relationships, also jongho likes wooyoung for five seconds, hongjoong doesn't know when to stop talking, san and yunho are bffs, seonghwa kind of likes san but for like five seconds, woosan are whipped but at what cost, yeosang and woo are bffs, yunho and hongjoong are cuties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanjoongy/pseuds/sanjoongy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxmoony/pseuds/xxmoony
Summary: "“You know I don’t deserve you,” Wooyoung whispered, nuzzled into San’s neck as the wind caressed both of their hair, chilly.“What I know is that no one can make me as happy as you do,” San whispered back into Wooyoung’s disheveled black hair, made him face him with his beautiful face and kissed his pouty lips like he had never done before."or in which wooyoung and san loved more than anyone but fought just as hard
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Series: (no such thing as) beautiful goodbyes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705789
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	watch it all (fall down)

**Author's Note:**

> heavily inspired by the movie 6 years and the fake love cover of woosan  
> a couple of recommended songs would be red velvet - psycho, obviously 5sos - babylon and kard - you in me

When they both think about it, it all started that day.

Earlier in the day, just as the sun started to burn its way through the closed curtains, Wooyoung alarmed a very lethargic San playing games on their console, rolling on the floor occasionally to grab a handful of potato chips just a little bit further from where his unoccupied hand was, that he was going out to catch one of his psychology classes that was delayed earlier and he had to attend otherwise he would fail.

“When will you be back? I thought we would spend a bit of time today…” San pouted cutely, not really looking towards where Wooyoung’s voice came from as he was going through the closet in their shared bedroom. He couldn’t find his shirt. He had to but-

“I’ll be back in three hours tops, Sanie, but sorry, I’ll be meeting with the boys tonight.” San put the controller on the floor in a very overdone way after pausing the game and overdramatically ran towards where his boyfriend started to panic. Wooyoung had just started throwing the interiors of the wardrobe on the floor when San gently wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s naked torso, trapping his frantic arms, still pouting in the cutest way possible, murmuring in his ear “With the boys? What about Sanie?”.

Wooyoung couldn’t help but at least smile at San’s sudden attics but slipped out of his hold to pursue his search nevertheless.

“We’ve been lazing around for the past week, San. Yeosang has been nagging me about not seeing my face at all lately. I should spend some time with my friends, you know.”

San slowly backed down with an exaggerated sigh and sat on their shared bed, eyeing Wooyoung up and down while smoothening the wrinkles on the sheets with his hand absentmindedly, thinking how nice he always looks under these sheets, lest he got rid of those pants too. San thought he most likely wouldn’t make do with only watching then.

“You know how much I miss you.” Wooyoung threw one last piece of poor clothing on the floor and turned around to wrap his arms gently around San’s shoulders, placing the sweetest of kisses on his sweeter lips. “You can’t handle a day without me?” San wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s slim waist and pulled him in to give him a belly kiss with the biggest smile.

“Well I can but- I feel like a part of me is sipping coffee with his friends.”

Wooyoung’s giggles momentarily filled the emptiness of the walls as he squirmed out of San’s arms once again to just find it because if he didn’t, he really wouldn’t be-

“Who said we would be drinking coffee?”

San’s fond smile froze for a second as he watched Wooyoung throw a couple of shirts on the floor. Wooyoung just said that- That they would be-

San took a deep breath watching Wooyoung almost go crazy at this point and wrinkling the sheets under his fingers a little bit harder to straighten. “You know I don’t like it when you drink out without me.”

“It’s been so long, San, I basically owe it to Yeosang.” Wooyoung turned around to gently put his hands over San’s shoulders to feel them relax under his touch. They did.

“Just this once, okay? I’ll make it up to you.” San thought for a second that nothing would make him allow Wooyoung to be out late drinking without him knowing where exactly he was and he couldn’t just reach out to hold his hand to know that he is safe with him and nothing bad will happen anyway because they are together and if they are together nothing can go wrong but-

When Wooyoung looks at him with those puppy eyes and touches his neck like he is the most precious thing in the world in return of San’s unsure gaze, he just can’t say no. He raises his hand to rub Wooyoung’s delicate arm with his thumb and puts a defeated but very fond smile. “You need to tell me every time you switch up places, okay?”

Wooyoung smiled his biggest smile and just _had_ to smash their lips together and not let go for half a minute because-

 _Just_ because.

“Sanie, can you look for the top that we bought together last time? I can’t find it anywhere, I’m so late.” Wooyoung said from the other side of the corridor, “The one with the bunnies on, not the white one though.”

Rushed footsteps wandering around the house could barely be heard over San’s current level of the game.

San yelled a simple “Okay~!” as Wooyoung ran back all the way from the front door to give San a huge smooch on the mouth which San absolutely didn’t care to lose the game over to.

About an hour or more of lazing around and snacking on questionably old leftovers, San, at last, started to pick the pile of clothes scattered by Wooyoung in the main bedroom, which was assigned to him the last minute Wooyoung was leaving the front door by a simple “Oh, and can you clean the room? Love you.”. Wooyoung did it all the time, looking for a single piece of clothing all around the house and leaving the mess for San to suffer through it. San didn’t care much. He loved Wooyoung with the mess that he himself is.

And later San had to find the top that Wooyoung fell in love with, at first sight, even comparable to how fast he fell for San the first time he saw him around the campus alone, and then made San buy it for him which San did with absolute pleasure. And he did, find that is; in the very backside of the wardrobe. The poor thing surely fell behind the shelves while Wooyoung was looking frantically for something else some other time and was eagerly waiting to look utterly delicious on Wooyoung.

But, San thought, remembering the time they went into the cabinets together to see how it was on Wooyoung even though two people in a cabinet strictly wasn’t allowed -the reason most likely being the things they did afterwards-, that this top…

This top looked _too_ delicious on his boyfriend.

It looked delicious to a point they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves even while San was driving straight home, and it was like a cringy teen drama when they had to stop to-

The point is his baby looked like a three-course meal and San was not going to be with him when he looked like _that_.

He couldn’t let that happen.

So just as he’s never seen it since they possessed it that day, he put it up high where Wooyoung wouldn’t be able to reach without a chair or San to support him, put some other gibberish and clothes Wooyoung doesn’t really use anymore on top and closed the door like he never opened it.

When Wooyoung came back from the class and asked San about the top’s whereabouts, San dismissively only said that he looked everywhere and never found it as he tapped away at his controller vigorously. Wooyoung pouted and looked a little bit more for the piece of clothing with white bunnies on it just to never come in contact with it before he had to leave again for their little friend meeting and San felt guilty for only a quarter of a second because he was doing it for his baby and why would he need to be guilty of protecting his boyfriend.

So, when Wooyoung came back while the clock ticked only a bit past 2 in the morning, arrived by a taxi insisted by San himself, and found the black clothing with stupid bunnies all over it right in the middle of the shelf he absolutely checked earlier, he was dumbfounded. He carefully picked it up, still contemplating how the hell it was there and neither he nor San saw it while they were furiously looking for it.

“Sanie, didn’t you see this here?” San cracked a sleepy eye open from where he was curled up hugging a blanket for the last three hours and dozed off a dozen times on the spot. “Hm?... What?... Where...”

Wooyoung thought for a second his boyfriend was _begging_ to be cuddled at this point with his disheveled brown locks and the stupidly cute white streak in the front. But he was _so_ sure the top in question was not there when he was looking. He crawled on the bed, poked San to open his eyes that he once again surrendered to sleep, shaking him until he murmured an “I thought you left it there. Didn’t you say you changed your mind later?” with a frown and confused, very sleepy eyes.

Wooyoung mirrored his confusion. “No, I couldn’t find it earlier and asked you to look around, don’t you remember?” San opened one of his eyes, still hugging the blanket and hair a tangled mess, and said “Woo, you told me you changed your mind and didn’t want to wear that anymore. Did you have too much to drink?”

Needless to say, when Wooyoung closed his eyes cuddling San as he hugged both him and the blanket he carefully laid upon Wooyoung after they shared a sleepy good night kiss, he was still confused because he was so sure he did not see that black thing in the wardrobe at all and absolutely does not think that he said he changed his mind about what to wear that night.

Because he told Yeosang he would wear it when they go out together when Yeosang asked him about it just yesterday. He even told him later when they met that they both looked all throughout the house and couldn’t find a trace of it.

Or…

Did he?...

San took Wooyoung to dates every now and then; little coffee dates when he saw his boyfriend drowning under psychology textbooks and needed a pulling up and out of the house or the library chair he’s long glued himself to, or rooftop dates in the middle of the night when he’s been stressing about finals and assignments too much that he starts having anxiety attacks and San hugs him like he’s the most precious thing in the world until Wooyoung could breathe properly again. Or just simple, nonurgent dates like going to a concert of Wooyoung’s favorite band or catching up with what’s screening or wandering around the half-empty streets in the evening, Starbucks on one hand and one another’s on the other.

So, after about two months later than the “top with bunnies” incident , Wooyoung woke up early and spent a little bit more time doing his hair and picking his clothes because San had promised him that they would spend the whole day together once he’s done working on his assignment that was due two days after. When Wooyoung left their apartment, he was pumped up; it was still early but he absolutely did not mind waiting and watching San paint even if it took hours in the end because that was how he fell for him after all. Watching San draw around the campus like the stalker that he once was and with a huge amount of nudge from Yeosang saying he had to at least talk to him.

That’s why when he arrived at one of the individual ateliers in the Department of Fine Arts and realized San was not alone in the room, he was not so happy about it.

As he pushed the wooden door, with different colors of paint stricken on in an attempt to look more “artsy”, he was almost giddy with the thought of surprising San and then jumping on him to give him the biggest hug; but the guy -who is not San- was taller than both of them with his long beige coat, was not any of the faces from the art department San introduced him to and—was definitely modelling for San as San painted away at his half-filled canvas while they exchanged giggles over the painting.

Wooyoung stood there with his smile disappearing like it was never there as the two residents of the room turned their heads towards his direction almost instantly.

Both looking at him like he just interrupted something private.

“Ah, sorry, we’re doing a project here…” The man with the blonde bleached hair trailed, exchanging confused gazes between Wooyoung with the door still ajar, and San looking at him like he’s not supposed to be there.

Wooyoung ceased his _very_ annoyed gaze shifting from one to another and settled it on a very unamused San.

“Sanie? Who is this man?” Wooyoung told him, masking his irritation of the man present behind the canvas with moderate softness .

San looked at him for a second and kept stroking his brush on the canvas. “My model, as you can see,” he said dismissively, and then looked at the guy switching bemused gazes between them.

“Seonghwa, can you fix your posture once more? You moved a bit.”

Seonghwa, as introduced to Wooyoung indirectly by San himself a second ago, stood straight on the little chair and turned his head towards San.

The thing is, San always told Wooyoung when he would be working on a model.

“I didn’t know you would have a model today,” Wooyoung said as he locked his eyes to a random spot with a dangerous tone to his voice.

San laughed, straight up _laughed_ with an angry tint and murmured a “Do I _have_ to tell you everything?” while he gave a sweet, sweet smile to Seonghwa—Seonghwa with a face trying very hard not to ask what the fuck is going on.

Wooyoung exhaled, inhaled and then dropped his bag on the floor to form a tight fist on his side. “I am literally here because we are supposed to go on a date today.”

Seonghwa raised his head with a slight frown and looked at San. San calmly put his brush in a cute glass jar full of colored water to grab a different one with different thickness.

“Really? We were? I don’t remember ever saying something like that. _And_ I’m busy anyways.” Wooyoung looked at him, looked at him while San painted away calmly, as he murmured “Now, if you’re done, my model is waiting.” with absolute disbelief and heartbreak and anger that he squeezed both of his fists and remembered how excited and happy that he was going to see San paint before they would leave for their anticipated date and just-

“Why _are_ you doing this??” Wooyoung thought and thought, hard and fast in the little time San ignored his question and Seonghwa looked utterly uncomfortable but still in the posture.

“It’s still the same reason why you were distant the other day, isn’t it? Because I was _too_ close with Mingi after class? When you saw us giggle together? I thought you were over it yesterday.”

San halted his brushing, gave the brush a strangling before leaving it into the colored water along with the other one. He hated it. He just hated it but Wooyoung kept doing it and if he didn’t stop, he might-

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wooyoung, getting increasingly frustrated with every ticking second, quickly went through their last two days and waved his hand in the air. “That’s why you didn’t even talk to me when I asked you about your day two days ago. Even your body language after that day and you barely looked at my face, never hugged me, god, I just realize why. It’s because of that.”

San clenched his jaw, turned around towards Wooyoung with a dangerous glint in his eyes. “You know I hate it when you analyze my behavior.” Wooyoung looked at him, straight up angry at his antics at this point, almost yelled. “Is doing this more important than being with your _boyfriend_?”

Seonghwa was startled, not by Wooyoung’s yelling, but by the word “boyfriend” itself. He slowly got up from the chair as San rolled his eyes aggressively and frowned at San.

“Wow, you have a boyfriend.” He said "And I’m gonna go."

While not letting San or Wooyoung open their mouths to give an answer as he quickly left through the “artsy” door. Wooyoung could only gape at the man left looking everywhere but him with a troubled expression in front of the still not fully painted canvas. Let alone the date, he didn’t even tell the guy that he had a boyfriend.

“Are you fucking serious right now? You were basically flirting with him? You didn’t even tell him you had a boyfriend?” Wooyoung actually yelled this time, as soon as Seonghwa left the door, poor guy hearing all of it. San looked at him with, pissed as hell, yelled back an “I was not-- What was I gonna do? Say ‘I have a boyfriend, don’t come close to me?’” Wooyoung came closer to him with furious steps and waved his hand in the air a bit more.

“San, we are supposed to go on a date right now and you keep saying you don’t know about it just because you were petty that I talked to someone other than you!”

“I am not being _petty._ I have work to do which you kind of ruined, you know. Why are you here anyways?”

“I know you have work to do, but _you_ know we literally talked about this! I always come to watch you paint before we go on dates.”

San flailed his arms in the air, frustrated. “I am telling you I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

Wooyoung, without even letting a sane thought into his brain, shoved him while he himself yelled angry words into the small atelier. “We literally talked about this for weeks, how fucking dare you?!”

San stumbled upon some trash and newspaper on the floor and grabbed Wooyoung’s arm not to actually trip, pulled him close until they had their eyes with their furious glints inches away from each other, gritted his teeth but tried to use the most soothing voice he could fathom in that situation.

“Wooyoung, you need to chill out. You can’t just-”

“Don’t fucking tell me to chill out!” Wooyoung, upon realizing he did _not_ want San to touch him right then, shrieked and once again pushed him. This time so hard that he stumbled upon the canvas he was still working on and fell on the floor along with the unfinished painting and the easel itself, with a loud thud after the sound of glass breaking.

It took a second for Wooyoung to realize the scene he had caused; colored water that was inside the little, cute glass jar was all over the toppled over the canvas, ruining the delicate work with every dark colored drop oozing across the painting. San was grimacing with pain as he slowly raised his left hand from between what was once the cute jar, but it didn’t completely hit Wooyoung until he saw the crimson along with the glass shards, saw the crimson between San’s pale fingers slowly dripping on the floor.

In the span of a millisecond, Wooyoung that was furious at his lover for ignoring their date very knowingly disappeared into nothingness as he crouched down to hold San’s bleeding hand between his trembling ones, terrified.

“Oh my god, Sanie, I’m so sorry, are you okay?! Oh god, you’re bleeding, we need to- we need to-”

San pried his eyes from the gushing cuts oozing with blood all over his left hand, some with little pieces of glass still inside them, to tell Wooyoung that it’s fine, they just need to clean it and then it’ll just heal, but then saw the easel and the canvas on top of it with the painting, his _homework_ being slowly ruined to nothing with some dirty water and he just-

He just couldn’t hold it.

He pulled his hand towards himself, paying little mind to glass shifting terribly inside his skin, yelled like a mad man at a terrified Wooyoung reaching for his hand immediately.

“Are you _insane_?! What the fuck have you done, Wooyoung, that was my fucking _homework_!”

Wooyoung froze on the spot until he processed San’s angry yelling and then reached for his hand once more to try and stop him from moving it too much. “I’m so sorry, Sanie, but we need to first-”

San escaped his boyfriend’s hands like they are some evil thing cast upon him and got up too quickly he had to hold onto the small bookshelf right beside him. “No, what _you_ need to do is get the fuck out of my atelier.”

Wooyoung felt it.

Wooyoung felt but couldn’t do anything but to murmur a pathetic “But I-” as San interrupted, pushing the words he didn’t even know what they were into his mouth with “Are you aware of what you just did?! Are you aware, Wooyoung, now I don’t even have a model to work on and I won’t make it to the deadline, oh my fucking god! All this because of a stupid _date_ while you go and fuck around with people, fuck! I can’t believe this!” which after made him hiss at his hand losing too much blood.

Wooyoung felt his heart start to beat uncontrollably in his chest and felt his hands tremble so much he had to hold onto his jacket in an attempt to make them stop and felt the huge lump in his throat. He whispered “Sanie, I-”, but San did not let him breathe. “No, I don’t want to hear any of it, just go.” Wooyoung took a step backwards, shaking like he was out in the winter weather for too long, tried once more with an “I’m sorry, I didn’t-” which was, again, interrupted by San hissing as he inspected his hand for damage control before growling at Wooyoung.

“Fuck _off_ , Woo!”

Wooyoung felt the trembling all throughout his body, felt the drops blurring his vision and felt his heart palpate dangerously and he couldn’t do anything but run away, out of the room without looking back even once, as much as his legs could take him until his lungs failed him and he collapsed on a sidewalk. He looked at his bruised hands, felt the cold of October on the small scratches and remembered San’s hand painted red with glistening shards, tried to force the chill into his inflated lungs but nothing worked and there wasn’t even anyone around to help him up and he left San in there, bleeding. He even ruined his days of hard work and _how could he just_ -

Wooyoung held onto his collar in a useless attempt to free a bit more air into his burning lungs but could only shake as he tried to fish his phone out of his pocket but fail miserably as it fell on the pavement. That was it. That was how he was going to die; with San hurt and mad at him and him being a failure at everything, even to his boyfriend, he was going to drown in loneliness and nothingness and he was shaking _so_ much he just couldn’t-

When he heard Yeosang’s oddly comforting voice very close to his ear, he didn’t even realize when exactly he dialed his number and pushed the green button.

“Woo, what’s up? We haven’t talked in a while.”

Wooyoung opened his mouth but he was drowning, and nonexistent salt of the water burned his throat so much he could only pathetically whimper into the receiver. If it wasn’t Yeosang but some random other friend, they absolutely wouldn’t catch up on it. But Yeosang’s voice was full of worry when Wooyoung could barely hold the phone to his ear.

“Wooyoung, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Wooyoung hugged his knees on the pavement, rocking back and forth, trembling like there’s no tomorrow.

“Yeo-Yeosang, I did something ter-terrible…” Wooyoung whispered, not knowing if it’s simply because he couldn’t make any sound above a whisper or because he was too guilty to let the world know.

“Wooyoung, tell me what’s wrong. You’re worrying me.” Yeosang said, over the phone, almost frantic.

“Yeosang, I’m sorry, I- I think I gonna die…” Wooyoung whimpered, teardrops he didn’t even realize were there making a beeline towards his lips. Yeosang couldn’t open his mouth on the other side of the for a second with mortification. “Wooyoung, what are you talking about? Tell me where you are, aren’t you with San?”

As soon as his lover’s name was mentioned, he pulled at his roots so hard he whimpered once more.

“I did it, I- I hurt him, Yeosang, please, I can’t- I can’t breathe-” He tried to force another cold breath down his lungs, couldn’t succeed, pulled a bit more of hair as Yeosang’s clothes rustling could be heard over the phone.

“Yeosang, I’m so sor- sorry, I- I love you so much, you know that, right? I- I’m sorry I didn’t spe-spend more- spend more time with you and kept being with San but- but Yeosang, don’t forget me, okay? Don’t find other best frie- friends when I’m go-gone, please?”

Yeosang was appalled for a second or two but as soon as he could squeeze where he is out of a very disoriented Wooyoung, he kept telling him he will not die, and he will never have a best friend other than him, even after finding him close to passing out with his phone tightly held between his palms, bag nowhere to be found and leaning on a stop sign in the rather abandoned sides of the campus, even after he very gently took him to his place after catching a taxi and immediately tucked him under layers of blanket, Wooyoung kept crying and whimpering out apologies almost all night to his boyfriend that was, to Yeosang’s confusion, nowhere in sight.

After the horrific night of waiting Wooyoung as he often kept waking up distressed and looking for San to realize what Yeosang still didn’t know but was dying to learn and cry himself to sleep for the nth time just to recycle, Yeosang opened his eyes to his phone buzzing on the nightstand where he got a shut-eye for a couple of hours beside Wooyoung. He looked at Wooyoung sleeping almost peacefully with dried tears and drool on his face, carefully freed his hand that Wooyoung fell asleep holding the last time and reached to check the ID.

The screen read a simple “San”.

Now, Yeosang didn’t particularly hate the guy; it was just that he wasn’t getting anything but bad feelings being around him for some reason for the longest time. He just wanted to protect his best friend from a very obvious storm coming in.

So, he thought that maybe he should leave him hanging and tell Wooyoung he never called because he apparently doesn’t care or something.

The clock on top of the screen read 5:16 AM.

It wasn’t always like that. Yeosang was the person to initiate the first conversation between Wooyoung and San and was very satisfied to realize after their first date that San was like, the nicest guy around the campus. He made Wooyoung so happy to a point Yeosang couldn’t even imagine seeing his best friend in the scary state of mind he once was. He didn’t even see him _sulking_ as long he was beside him.

Yeosang didn’t exactly know when it started.

When Wooyoung would come to his door at ungodly hours of the night to cry through the night about how San and he got into a fight about some stupid shit, disturbing the habitat of him playing games on the couch all day but Yeosang didn’t mind. Couples fought and they fought to be stronger than ever, to continue what they have in the better way they come up with but-

He couldn’t be so sure when Wooyoung started to come to him less and less, grew so distant to him, didn’t even tell him about _anything_ that goes on about San but always looked so tired and done with any question and the person asking that particular question because _they should know that what happens stays with the couple._

He didn’t like it.

He didn’t like it a bit.

So Yeosang thought, that maybe he shouldn’t really pick up the call and close his eyes, waking up to a better looking Wooyoung because _holy hell,_ his best friend looked like a truck drove past him and it was _very_ scary.

But then again, he loved Wooyoung too much to give in to his hate for his boyfriend.

He got up from the bed in a maybe too careful of a manner and walked just enough to have his feet out the door.

“What?” he answered the call just before it went flat, almost whispering not to wake up a certain Wooyoung.

“Yeosang, thank god. Do you, by any chance, know where Wooyoung is?” San’s voice over the line was worried like he had never heard him and Yeosang, for a second, felt quarter of bad for him.

“Why?”

“He wasn’t okay yesterday because some… things happened, and I’ve been calling him nonstop but he’s not answering his phone.”

When Yeosang didn’t answer for the longest time, San sounded like he would invent teleportation just to vigorously shake an answer out of him. “Yeosang, if he’s with you please tell me, I need to know.”

“He is with me.” Yeosang murmured, stealing a glance at Wooyoung slowly tossing between the sheets. “He wasn’t okay. I found him on the sidewalk . He almost wasn’t conscious.” He felt his voice going angrier and angrier and tried to calm his nerves down.

San’s voice almost trembled. “Pass him the phone, please. I need to talk to him.”

“No.”

“Yeosang, _please._ ”

“He’s sleeping, San. For the first time throughout the night. I will not wake him up to see him cry because of you again, so shut up.”

Yeosang could swear he heard sniffing on the other side of the line and got so shocked that the man talking to him had those kinds of emotions that he almost threw the phone. Wooyoung tossed and turned a bit more and whispered a sweet and sleepy “…Yeo?..” that he silently cursed himself for making any sound.

“I’m gonna come over there. I’ll be there in half an hour so pl-”

“I said _no._ Don’t even think about it.” He hanged up on him, put the phone with wobbly fingers and ran back to where Wooyoung was sitting up while hugging the blankets. “Who were you talking to?..”

Yeosang smiled at him, trying to mask his irritation of the previous phone call… “No one, how are you feeling now?”

“Was it San?” … and apparently failing miserably.

Or it might be that Wooyoung asked with such hope interlaced with his voice that it just came back.

“It wasn’t, Wooyoung. Go back to sleep, you need to rest mo-”

“What did he say? He asked about me, right? Did he tell you if his hand is okay?” Wooyoung ranted like he didn’t open his eyes five seconds ago and Yeosang let an exasperated sigh into his lungs.

He wanted to get mad.

He wanted to get _so_ mad at his best friend who constantly kept dragging himself into the worst mess. But Wooyoung was his _best friend_ so he had to at least not blindly accuse him for pulling himself up to give two shits about the person causing his downfall every time, without listening.

Also, what about his hand?

“You have to tell me what happened first.”

“Yeosang, you do-”

“Wooyoung, tell me what happened or I’m not letting you see him ever again.” Wooyoung looked at him with a betrayed pout, obviously trying to crack him into giving in but Yeosang shut him up with an “I said what I said.” and a shrug. Wooyoung yielded.

“We were… We were supposed to go on a date…” Wooyoung murmured, as in trying not to let Yeosang hear but Yeosang was all ears. Wooyoung waited for some heartbeats, hugged the sheets closer to him, sighed shakily. His tears were almost back but Yeosang just let him.

“I went to maybe watch him paint because you know I really like that, no matter when. But then… Then I saw he was modelling someone.”

When Yeosang raised his eyebrows and almost accompanied them with a question, he quickly added “That’s not why! It’s not even something uncommon for him, it’s just that… he always told me when he was gonna work on a model and…” He stopped again to stare at random sheet wrinkles. “I went in and he acted like he didn’t even know we were gonna spend the day together.”

Yeosang almost leashed out on him with a preach about how shitty of a boyfriend San is and Wooyoung clearly saw it in his eyes. Despite the tears piling up to blur his own vision he wrapped his shaking fingers around Yeosang’s on the sheets and told him about why San acted like that and how he got so mad he literally ruined his term project _and_ his hand, along with San’s chance of making it to the deadline at all. How San got so mad that he told him to “fuck off” but he deserved it, he deserved everything and it was all his fault and now San was never gonna be able to finish his painting because Wooyoung was a fucking disgrace and-

Yeosang pulled his hand from between Wooyoung’s and tried _so_ hard not to just yell some sense into him but-

“Wooyoung, are you kidding me right now? You’re telling me that _he_ ignored you and _he_ treated you like shit, but it was _your_ fault that you had your worst fucking panic attack in years and I literally found at some shitty pavement, are you hearing yourself??”

Wooyoung looked at him, all taken aback like Yeosang took everything he said to the very wrong direction and that is not exactly what happened.

“I… I shouldn’t have been with Mingi… He was waiting for me and-”

Yeosang stood up to put one hand on his waist and one hand flailing in the air, fuming.

“Wooyoung, you fucking _breathed_ and he goes like ‘you fuck around, so I pretend like you’re the insane one’. How is this okay??”

Wooyoung only watched him, a lonely tear travelling to his chin, and then sheets, and knew that maybe… just maybe that his best friend is a little bit right but then again Sanie-

 _His_ Sanie-

His Sanie would’ve never hurt him on purpose.

“No, I told you- It was all my fault. I know he doesn’t like it when I make him wait. And-and I should’ve just called him to find out if he was busy or not but then I saw that g _uy_ and it looked- it looked like they were flirting and then I just lost control. It was _my_ fault.”

Yeosang could only watch in disbelief at what the man in front of him was blabbering insecurely. “What guy?” he said, trying very hard at this point not to just let all of his despair out.

“I don’t know, Seonghwa or something. They weren’t probably flirting… I just overreacted.”

Yeosang thought that with that flirty douchebag attitude of San’s, there was a huge chance that they actually were.

“Wooyoung, no matter what you did, he has to know how you would react to him _yelling_ at you to _fuck off his atelier_ and gave a shit or two before acting like an asshole just because his _boyfriend made him wait_. Are you aware of what could’ve happened if I couldn’t find you in time? The place was literally abandoned.”

More tears just streamed down and Wooyoung deep down knew everything his best friend tried to talk sense into him was very much the truth.

But his Sanie would _never_ hurt him on purpose.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Yeosang flailed his arms in the air in frustration. “You almost fucking died in front of me, Wooyoung! I cannot afford to see you like that ever again, it’s been so long!”

“If you were so disturbed by what you saw, I’m sorry. I will not call you for help anymore.” Wooyoung said, trying to sound angry but his voice could only come out shaky and pathetic.

Yeosang gaped at him with utmost dismay. “Did you really take _that_ out of what I said?”

“Yes, obviously you were so disturbed that you don’t want to be called about me almost dying ever again.” Wooyoung voiced, shaking from head to toe with tears, shed and unshed.

Yeosang stopped dead in his tracks to just look at him. He couldn’t even feel mad, he was only overwhelmingly and agonizingly disappointed.

Disappointed that despite what he witnessed just hours ago Wooyoung still stood up for San and disappointed that he couldn’t look him in the eye and say “you don’t even talk to me properly anymore”, disappointed that tears streamed down Wooyoung’s face once more for the same reason for the nth time he witnessed and he just wanted crouch down and cry himself.

But instead, he swallowed thickly and slowly sat back down on the bed where he was beside Wooyoung, held his hand once more. “You need to rest.” He sounded dull, maybe heavy with oppressed anger but mostly disappointment.

“Can I talk to Sanie?” Wooyoung sniffed and wiped his face vigorously with his free hand. “He was hurt, Yeosang. I need to take care of him.”

Yeosang, maybe unwillingly, maybe to make Wooyoung stay a bit more with him, squeezed his hand between his, curling his lips to a bad excuse of a smile.

“In the morning, okay? You should rest so you can take care of him later.”

Wooyoung’s eyes teared up out of desperation he suddenly felt. “But, Yeosang, you don’t understand-”

“I don’t understand, Wooyoung, but you didn’t take your pills and if you don’t rest you won’t even be able to get up so please sleep a bit more, okay? Please.”

Wooyoung sniffled once more with fresh tears waiting to be set free. He looked and looked at Yeosang’s face for any kind of escape but all he saw was solid rock determination.

He whispered, with the smallest voice, trembling along with his hands “Did he at least sound okay?..”

Yeosang felt all of his walls destroyed to shambles and silently cursed himself for being so weak against Wooyoung. He was the person that meant the most to him in the world and he was hurting _so_ much, but he couldn’t even move a finger.

“He did. He was just worried about you.”

He visibly saw Wooyoung’s eyes light up and gently wiped another tear that escaped free when he only slightly smiled. “So, rest now so you don’t worry him in the morning anymore, okay?”

Wooyoung murmured a soft “Okay…” as he very slowly and cautiously laid back down and Yeosang thought _finally_ while tucking him in the softest way possible.

“Sleep well, Wooyoung.” he whispered when he felt his hand holding his, like an anchor from bad dreams, as he fell back asleep.

When the sun once again rose and covered the nasties of yesterday, Yeosang _very_ involuntarily called San to come to pick up Wooyoung because he still couldn’t stand on his feet without feeling like he was floating in the air. San was already ready to sell a kidney for a call from Yeosang telling him he is out of no-boyfriend-lockdown for now. He came without missing a beat and hugged Wooyoung _so_ hard and with such emotion as Wooyoung waited for him eagerly sitting on Yeosang’s bed that Yeosang for a second, only for a second thought that maybe, just _maybe_ they actually were good for each other.

After a not very long but very painful subway ride back their shared home -because San was frantic and completely forgot about any cash or credit card before he left- San helped Wooyoung get comfortable on the sofa and was going to leave to get him his pills but Wooyoung first held his wrist, then slowly interlaced their fingers, told him the only thing he needs is San himself. What else could San do and not let him make himself as small as possible in his lap with San’s arms around him for utmost comfort?

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, delicately holding San’s bandaged hand like it’s going to break in half if he held with a little bit too much pressure.

San smiled fondly, put the smallest of kisses on top of his boyfriend’s black hair and gently intertwined their hands once more, sparing another kiss on top of Wooyoung’s hand. “Please. I’m the one that’s sorry.”

“I even ruined your hard work…” Wooyoung whispered again, voice almost shaking with recycled tears of the night. “I’m the worst. I don’t even deserve you.”

When Wooyoung hid his face in his chest and San realized the little body on his lap started to shake with unshed tears and distress, he made Wooyoung look at his eyes until he stopped resisting and trying to turn back where he could hide in his shame and regret away from his boyfriend’s loving gaze.

“Wooyoung,” San called out with the gentlest voice possible but Wooyoung tried to go back to his safe place, which San prevented from happening by wrapping his fingers around his wrists and holding them in place with a smile as gentle. “Stop moving or you’ll hurt me.”

Wooyoung immediately stopped.

San fell in love all over again with his stupid worried face and starry eyes as he looked at him with the cutest jutting and trembling lower lip.

“But, Sanie, I-”

“No.” San stopped him, let go of his hands on his wrists and instead wrapped them around his waist, slowly and carefully stood both of them up. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere.”

Wooyoung knew exactly where they would go because San always knew where they needed to be and that it needed to be together, but could only throw “San, please, just listen to me. We both know that I don’t deserve you and we both know you can get someone else in a second, like, please just-” at a San dragging him to _their_ safe space.

The early morning air was chilly as they stepped foot on the rooftop slightly overshadowed by the taller buildings around the house. Wooyoung tugged at San’s hand dragging him towards the makeshift tent a few steps ahead of them as he felt lightheaded once again and San immediately turned to check on him, hugged him when Wooyoung said his legs felt funny, waited until Wooyoung could raise his head once again without feeling like his brain is melting on his boyfriend’s shoulder through his ears.

Wooyoung loved to be here with San because it took only seconds for him to reassemble his brain.

Wooyoung loved to be with San.

“You know I don’t deserve you,” Wooyoung whispered, nuzzled into San’s neck as the wind caressed both of their hair, chilly.

“What I know is that no one can make me as happy as you do,” San whispered back into Wooyoung’s disheveled black hair, made him face him with his beautiful face and kissed his pouty lips like he had never done before.

Wooyoung opened his mouth because who the fuck was he to refuse a kiss from the ethereal existence that is his boyfriend.

 _His_ boyfriend.

San kissed him and kissed him as he caressed the little mole under his eye with a strong grip around Wooyoung’s waist and Wooyoung was _so_ thankful because San made him feel high-school-girl-getting-her-long-awaited-first-kiss lightheaded and he was almost 100% sure it wasn’t his brain playing funny this time.

He felt his heart go haywire in his chest as he pulled away to suck a sharp breath into his lungs and San looked at him like he is the most precious thing in the world. “I’m sorry I ever yelled at you.”

Wooyoung raised his head in a heat of panic and started blabbering that “It was my fault, Sanie, please, if I didn’t-” but San but a gentle finger on his red and abused lips, shushing him. “I provoked you, Woo. It’s fine. Let me apologize.”

Wooyoung pouted, his heart still beating so hard San could feel it against his own chest. “But your finals-”

San immediately put his whining back in his mouth with a kiss.

“It’s _fine_ , baby, it’s not more important than you.” He smiled, pain evident in his eyes. “So, let me properly apologize for being the dickest boyfriend and making you suffer on a sidewalk, okay? Which is obviously worse than any painting being ruined, by the way.”

Wooyoung looked at San’s apologetic eyes full of regret for everything that happened and felt San’s reassuring arms around his torso and felt the chill running down his spine, not sure if because of San’s careful gaze or the wind and-

Giggled.

San blinked his eyes once, twice and almost panicked with a “Woo, are you okay-” but Wooyoung almost doubled in his hold giggling.

“You can’t rhyme ‘okay’ with ‘way’!”

San blinked for a whole thirty seconds.

“What do you mean _rhyme_? I was telling you sincerely that I feel bad and I-” he whined, full-on pouting and Wooyoung wiggled out of his arms to hop towards their _safe place_ -the tent with lots of pillows and some fairy lights and little canvases for San to paint Wooyoung when he feels like it-.

“You’re trying to look cool! When were rhymes cool, in 600’s?” Wooyoung kept giggling as he let himself on the pillows with a plop and smiled, patting the space just beside him to make San occupy it, which he gladly did, with a smile as big as Wooyoung’s. “You know you’re stupid.”

But instead of just sitting there side to side, he grabbed Wooyoung, put him on his lap with his face towards him -so easy to access for possible kisses- and Wooyoung yelped when he couldn’t feel the pillows under his butt for a second but hugged San’s shoulders just the same as soon as San smiled up at him and started kissing every part of his face as San closed his eyes, this time giggling himself. “Who are you calling stupid, huh??”

“You because you are~!” San tickled Wooyoung’s side and Wooyoung plopped himself onto the pillows to protect himself from the cruel attack with a dramatic “Sanie, no~!”

San made grabby hands at him, trying to stop his laughing because he felt a snort almost come out. “No, come back! I won’t, I won’t!” Wooyoung couldn’t stop giggling but climbed back up San’s lap all the same.

“Promise.”

“I promise on Woo’s giggles,” San said with the most serious face and a hand up to complete his vow.

Wooyoung giggled, very lightly slapping San’s smug face until he hugged him so close Wooyoung felt tickles on his belly but hugged San’s head anyways.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you a lot more.”

Wooyoung giggled. “No, you don’t.”

San blew a raspberry on Wooyoung’s exposed belly. “Yes, I do.”

Wooyoung squeezed his head between his arms and giggled and giggled as San kept blowing obnoxious raspberries on different spots on his stomach until he had to ask.

“What are you gonna do about your paintings?”

San stopped to look at his face when he finally let him. “I’ll just start over. Didn’t really like what I did anyways. It’s fine.”

Wooyoung looked at him, almost pouting. “Really?”

San smiled reassuringly and nodded. Wooyoung held his arm around his waist and carefully put his thumbs on where the cuts were under the bandages from what he gruesomely remembered. “What about your hand?..” He murmured, worry etched into his voice.

San sighed, pursing his lips together he met Wooyoung’s worried gaze on his own hand. “Went to hospital with Yunho because there was still glass inside and shit. They gave me some stitches.”

Wooyoung jutted his bottom lip with the most worried look on his face. “How many?”

“Woo, it’s fine. They’ll heal in a co-”

“ _How_ many?”

San sighed, defeated. “12.”

Wooyoung looked at him with a horrified expression and tears ready to freefall. “12?!”

San nodded, lips pursed together in a small smile. “It’s fine though, it’s not my art hand, you kno-”

“Oh no, Sanie, I’ll cry.”

“What, Woo, no-”

“Sanie, I’ll _cry_!”

“Baby, no!”

So Wooyoung cried holding San’s bandaged hand and San patted his hair as his boyfriend tried to rent the crook where his neck and shoulder met with his tears and snot, feeling warm inside like never before under the tent protecting them from the morning sun.

When term papers were due and critiques overlapped and his teacher scolded him about half-assing his last artwork and required repainting; San often ate, slept, had any basic human interaction only and only in the little atelier he had been occupying for months now and left only when he had to pee or when he ran out of special no-one-knows-how-many-shots art department expresso.

Which meant he couldn’t go home for hours, days, sometimes weeks.

Which meant he couldn’t see Wooyoung unless Wooyoung came to visit –which were like prison visits, really- or he risked his 1 out of 3 hours of sleep for that day and added one more cup of coffee to his system or ate a quick meal, made out with Wooyoung on the rather abandoned places of the campus for twenty minutes and then returned to the atelier to proceed with the pile of work he had to finish.

It was one of those times.

San was in the little atelier with Hongjoong, an art student and a classmate he had grown accustomed to during last few months and one of the few people he let in while he painted and also agreed that they would properly collaborate for one of the assignments that was due tomorrow.

“Hyung, can you pass me the brushes we washed earlier?” San murmured, focused on his part of the huge canvas in his lap as he sat down on the floor stained with various colors and different kinds of paint. Hongjoong turned his head with disheveled peach-colored mop of hair from his individual work on the easel in front of him and scanned around the mess of the art room with _huge_ bags under his eyes. “You put them somewhere around there, San-ah.”

His classmate often tried to balance his love for creating music amateurly with upcoming assignments and the stress of critiques. He probably hadn’t slept for three days straight at this point _and_ was not going to unless he actually passed out on the floor with a brush in his hand and paint on his pretty face.

San was not _that_ about to die.

He actually was almost done with what he had to do, he only had the rest of what Hongjoong already painted and one other version of the three version designs he had to prepare and then he was free for a couple of weeks.

Which, if he finished the collaboration art today, was not due until next week.

Which meant he could go home to participate in Wooyoung’s little gathering with his friends.

_“I haven’t seen you in days, Sanie, please,” Wooyoung whined in his cutest voice, brushing his lips on the little mole on San’s neck as he tipped his head back with a sigh on an alley behind art department._

_“I’m sorry, baby, but you know-” San lost his words with the distracting slight pain of a newly formed hickey at where Wooyoung’s lips previously were. He hissed softly and grabbed a handful of black hair with a grin, causing Wooyoung to pout only one inch away from his own lips._

_“Just for one night, I swear. I just missed you so much.” Wooyoung pecked his lips and San couldn’t hold the smile creeping up to them._

_“You need your rest, too, love.” A kiss. “I promise I’ll cuddle you until dawn-” A kiss. “-when the others leave and make you some-” A kiss. “-delicious breakfast in the morning.” A kiss more and San was smiling like the Cheshire cat._

_He wrapped the arm around Wooyoung’s small waist a little bit tighter to pull him lush against himself and ignored the surprised yelp his boyfriend made when he almost lost his balance. “Did you miss me that much?” He whispered into Wooyoung’s ear, to which Wooyoung giggled tremendously while hitting San’s chest._

_“Stop being cheesy, just say yes already! You told me you’re almost done with your work, right?”_

_San smiled fondly, held his boyfriend’s wrists mid-air with one of his own hands, brushed over the cute mole on his bottom lip covered with light chapstick. “Okay, but on one condition.” Wooyoung looked at him with puppy eyes full of expectation and he almost gave in and kissed him until both of them had no air inside their lungs._

_“We won’t make do with only cuddling.” He whispered, leaning his forehead to Wooyoung’s BB cream clad one and giggled when Wooyoung giggled with a fist to his shoulder and a whiny “Sanie~!”._

San smiled thinking about Wooyoung’s lips on his neck and the hickey still lingering somewhere close to his throat and Hongjoong made a sound of disgust.

“You look like you’ll draw your boyfriend’s dick on my precious painting, leave the brush.”

San rolled his eyes as he painted away whatever part he had remained. “You look like you’ll fall asleep one hand in oil paint, hyung.” He said playfully, to which Hongjoong replied with a deep ass sigh and put his own brush in the small glass jar on the randomly paint-stained stool beside him. San painfully remembered the circumstances that once led to having him glass stuck to his hand.

“Right, San-ah, can you get hyung some more coffee? I’m about to pass out.”

San snorted from where he was sitting. “It’s your eighth coffee today, Kim Hongjoong, you need sleep.”

Hongjoong threw an unused paintbrush at him for the informality.

“ _Hyung_ , I need to leave in a couple of hours and I should finish this before I leave so, sorry. Go get your own coffee.”

Hongjoong left whatever he had in his hands with a defeated huff but had a frown on his face as he wiped his hands on the pants he had long given up on. “Where are you leaving for?”

“Wooyoung has a little gathering at home, I guess. I said I would absolutely attend.” San said dismissively, taking a look at his painting and thinking it would have been great if he could undo the last five strokes of his brush.

Hongjoong nodded his head with an affirmative sound, combed his fingers through his hair and tugged at the ends of the now slightly green painted peach strands. San grimaced. “And now you need a shower.”

“Shut up, do you want coffee or not.” Hongjoong shrugged his jacket on and did not pay any heeds towards San’s direction as he murmured a simple no as he watched his hyung go get another step closer to heart palpitations.

When Hongjoong came back with a suspiciously still full cup of black coffee, San had already hung up on Wooyoung’s face thrice.

Now, don’t get him wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go.

He did. He absolutely wanted to see his beautiful boyfriend and see his pretty -prettiest- smile as they played stupid drunk games and absolutely wanted to receive what he was promised mere hours ago but-

But that stupid part of the stupid painting he just couldn’t and couldn’t and _couldn’t_ get right was about to make him go crazy and as the phone started buzzing for the fourth time in a row on the table across him, he just couldn’t take the annoying sound anymore and silenced it until further notice. Hongjoong took one glance at him and immediately frowned while he put his probably tenth -eleventh?- cup on his own side of the desk.

“What’s wrong? You wanted coffee? I can spare this one if you want.”

San did not answer as he wiped the paint off the same spot for the fucking nth time. Hongjoong closed the gap between them cautiously to see what the whole ordeal was. It was shit. Hongjoong grimaced, reaching out to touch where San was battling but did not actually touch it. “How many times did you erase this?”

It was such a small spot, but colors were mushed together where they were tried to be erased multiple times and even the canvas itself started to lose its smooth state to leave a worn-out high-quality cloth. San took a deep breath trying to calm himself now that Hongjoong returned but his knuckles where they held the poor canvas were white as he threw his head back, frustrated.

“I just can’t-” He stopped, put his palms over his face and squeezed it. “They just _won’t_ blend the way I want them to.” 

Hongjoong took a deep breath, put his hands on his tiny waist as his red checkered long coat creased around it and looked at him. “You can’t erase that any longer, San. Either you be satisfied with your next work or we start over and due date is literally tomorrow.”

San _knew._ He _knew_ that he could not erase that any longer and _knew_ that they cannot start over no matter what and he just _had to_ take the next shot and make it absolutely satisfying for himself or he was going to go mad over it.

So he did.

He painted and painted with intricate detail on such a small part of the huge canvas and did not even realize the time while Hongjoong silently carried his own work, opting to not even breathe in his direction upon sensing his nerves, until-

Until San left the canvas to the side with an almost-satisfying-for-himself handwork and immediately fell asleep when he put his head on the table beside him.

For the whole evening.

While Wooyoung called him and called him and called him until it didn’t even connect anymore and even then he kept calling just to hear the voicemail, ignored Yeosang telling him to give up and join him, Jongho and Mingi for the next shot, which he accepted after a long stare at his lack of notifications on his phone.

San ditched him.

San ditched him and he was annoyed to hell and back. Obviously. Because San ditched him even though the only thing left to make him come was begging on his knees.

Even though he begged, just not on his knees.

So, he drank.

He drank like he has never tasted alcohol before and lost himself to the beat of the shitty song they turned up at some point; glass full of cheap wine in one hand and his phone with the camera open in the other.

Until Yeosang forcibly pulled his phone out of his hand, miraculously, though not surprisingly since he himself had some strong shots, not having questioned what he had done with it for the whole evening and almost dragged him away from Jongho’s side to the bed before he puked all over himself.

And San slept through all of it.

Until Hongjoong forcibly woke him up saying they were locking the doors of the department and they either left now or jumped out the windows later. San immediately lifted his head, looked out the window to see the moon shine through the glass and frowned while rubbing his eyes. “Hyung, why didn’t you wake me up?..”

Hongjoong shrugged his coat as he pocketed his wallet and phone, leaving his bag because he was going to be here in a couple of hours again anyways. “I tried, but you told me it’s fine and you won’t go. Hurry up now, the gates are closing.” He took one last look at his own unfinished painting and walked out the door just to wait for him there.

San tried to fix his non-behaving hair with his fingers and picked up his phone to check what time it was, though he had a vague idea about it since the gates were closing.

It was dead.

San just sighed at the blank screen and figured he would charge it back home and not risk having to be forced to jump out windows later and stood up to catch up with Hongjoong staring at his phone with a bored and tired look on his face.

When San was home, it was dead silent.

He unlocked the door, adjusting his own footsteps to the lack of sounds around the room, carefully walked down the corridor to see the living room in a mess they would have to spend at least half of their day to manage.

Coffee table in the middle of the room had various types and sizes of bottles and glasses lingering on it with snacks and clothing pieces that were questionably laying on the large sofa on one side of the room. He sighed when he realized Wooyoung’s cardigan laying between colorful fabric. Did they just leave without telling him?

“Wooyoung?” He called out in the completely quiet house just to get nothing in return so he walked down the halls once again and just as he was going to yell Wooyoung’s name again, he saw him in their shared bed, wrapped inside white sheets to make a human burrito, drool connecting his pretty lips to the white fabric of his pillow.

San smiled. He must’ve had a drink or two and passed out and the others probably went out to find something more amusing than Wooyoung possibly puking everywhere around the house which he does so, too often.

He quickly got rid of every piece of clothing clinging on his skin except his underwear and crawled next to his boyfriend snoring peacefully with breaths reeking of alcohol, but he didn’t mind as he wrapped his arms around him to pull him in close to his chest. Wooyoung murmured something incoherent as he nestled close to the newly found warmness and San couldn’t keep his own eyes open for too long as fatigue washed over him.

When he opened his eyes again, Wooyoung still did not but was trying to shield himself from the mean rays of the sun making his head pound with the worst hangover ever by trying to converge himself into San’s bare chest. San blinked once, twice, hugged Wooyoung a little bit tighter and Wooyoung whimpered as he acknowledged San’s awake state. A smile sleepily tugged at San’s lips. “‘Morning…”

Wooyoung groaned, nuzzling his nose even further into San’s chest like it’s even possible. “Ah, stop yelling…” He murmured with his raspy morning voice, thick and shaky. San giggled lazily.

“How much did you drink?” He gently fixed a stray strand of black hair on the pillow, finally surrendering to sleep and closing his eyes once again as Wooyoung whispered a small “Enough…” while wrapping his arm around San’s tiny waist. San smiled and basked in the silence enriched with random chirping sounds coming from the other side of closed windows.

Until Wooyoung murmured, muffled in San’s chest. “Why didn’t you come last night?”

San sighed, squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance at the sudden spark of interrogation and opened them back. He murmured an “I had things to do.” as he rather slowly got up from the bed looked around the room for anything comfortable enough to wear. Although he knew it coming, he wanted to avoid any possible questions for as long as he could.

Wooyoung frowned as he sat up, partly from the horrible headache he had somewhere behind his eyes, partly because how dare San just interrupt their morning cuddles just like _that_. “You told me you didn’t have much to do and promised to come.”

“Well, things changed, Woo. I couldn’t make it.” San murmured without giving too much fucks as he decided he should actually charge his phone already. They had to assign their art piece with Hongjoong in a couple of hours and he-

Wooyoung watched San with rising annoyance as he walked around and crouched down to find his phone’s whereabouts and his head _pounded_. He wouldn’t even just cuddle him _or_ apologize and-

“You _always_ do the same fucking thing.” Wooyoung hissed when he couldn’t take the same sentence spinning around his aching mind and San halted his movements for a second, phone in his hand in the air. “What?”

“You heard it right.” Wooyoung murmured, low, poison slowly seeping in to interlace with his words. He flung the sheets away from him as he rose to his feet, almost stomping.

“It’s always ‘something came up, you wanted to come but you couldn’t make it’, right?” He combed his fingers through the knots in his black strands and trying not to let his anger get to him, which he progressively failed at. San only watched him as he walked down the hall to disappear into the living room. “What came out this time? You saw your aunt that was missing for 20 years on your way back here?”

San sighed a deep sigh, not paying much mind to his boyfriend’s attics, got a fresh set of clothing on while he switched his search of his phone for the search of his charger. “I fell asleep, Woo.”

“You _fell asleep_? How could you have fallen asleep while I called you a million times to at least remind you that it is getting late?” Wooyoung flailed his arms with frustration and San calmly walked through the door and found his charger on one of the bookshelves. “You know I don’t like being interrupted while I’m painting.”

He plugged his phone and Wooyoung picked up some trash from the coffee table just to put them back, not knowing what to do with himself. “I can’t believe you didn’t even see my calls.”

San shrugged faintly while typing his PIN to unlock his long-dead phone. “I did. I just silenced it thinking I would call you back when I can.”

Wooyoung turned to look at him with utmost bewilderment. “You _silenced_ me?”

When San chose to not answer and watch the pool of notifications coming in as he leaned his back on the wall behind him, he released a breath incredulously. “You could’ve at least _told_ me you had something up, San. What the fuck.”

“I didn’t have _something up_ , Wooyoung. I was already trying to finish my work and come home.” San murmured as he looked through the 3 unanswered calls from Hongjoong, 8 others from Wooyoung and just swiped them dismissively, making a mental note to call Hongjoong back when he settles Wooyoung down.

But then he saw the messages from the fuming black-haired man.

Messages that started with simple “San, where are you? You’re late.” to messages with very blurry photos attached to them.

Photos of Wooyoung clinging to Yeosang as he tries to take his shot out of his hand, photos of Wooyoung that, even though they were too blurry, just _too_ close to Mingi and photos of Wooyoung with Jongho.

Jongho, the guy who not-so-secretly likes Wooyoung and has told him about it in multiple occasions just for Wooyoung to turn him down, saying he likes him like a brother and nothing else and he has no one else other than San he can give his heart to, just for Jongho to pout cutely and act all fine about it.

Photos Wooyoung on _that_ Jongho’s _lap,_ looking at the camera all seductively in the stupidest way possible.

But _on Jongho’s lap_.

San saw red for a second.

“Wooyoung, what is this?” He said, almost growled with the coldest voice, not caring about anything Wooyoung was blabbering about earlier and surprisingly catching the attention of the furious male.

“What?”

San scrolled and scrolled and scrolled just to find about twenty of them on his screen until messages came to a halt abruptly, with no other to offer any kind of explanation. San felt his hands shake.

“Wooyoung, what the fuck are _these_?!” He this time full-on growled and Wooyoung almost shivered despite himself.

“What are you talking about? Do not redirect the conversation to-” He was cut off when San almost smashed his phone into the table in front of him loudly and took a step or two around the room not to just explode. He stopped right in front of him as Wooyoung came closer to San, baffled but still furious thinking San was only trying to divert the conversation.

“I’m telling you I only fell asleep and this is what you do?” San’s voice was low, with a dangerous tinge to it and Wooyoung was growing impatient.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He yelled, face only a few inches away from him, both of their eyes throwing daggers at each other.

San raised a threatening finger towards Wooyoung.

“Do not act like you don’t know what dumb acts you did to _punish me_ , I exactly know what you’re trying to do.”

“I’m telling you I don’t fucking know-”

“You’re trying to make me jealous, right? But no. All you’re being is a needy bitch and I’m sick of it.” San snarled, cynical and Wooyoung’s eyes were huge with every emotion he could not decipher. He pushed San away from his short jog to the table and the phone over it and unlocked it to see what the fuck San was talking about. He looked at the messages dubiously just to get as equally revolted as his fuming boyfriend.

He didn’t know.

He didn’t have a single memory of taking any of those photos, but San was being a bitch.

“I don’t even remember any of this.” He said waving the phone and the charging cable in the air with frustration lingering in his voice.

San rolled his eyes, already mentally exhausted with anything Wooyoung related at this point.

“Do you think it actually matters what you do and do not remember right now? Are you fucking aware of the context of those pictures, Wooyoung? You’re on someone’s lap!” He yelled, emphasizing every particular word. Wooyoung put down the poor phone at least as harsh as San did previously.

“You cannot put me accountable for drunk shit I did!” His voice outweighed San’s easily. “I was mad that you bailed out on me for fuck knows how many times and you did not even fucking answer!”

San combed his finger through his hair and pushed at his scalp out of frustration. “Oh, so you decided to be a fucking brat instead?”

Wooyoung stopped to look at him with huge eyes full of anger. “How am I the fucking brat-?”

San interrupted, closing the safe gap between them. “Isn’t that what you do already? Acting like a little brat when you can’t get what you want easy enough? I’ve fucking had enough!”

Wooyoung pushed his shoulder away from him. San stumbled a bit and held Wooyoung’s sweatshirt sleeve instinctively.

" _You’ve_ had enough?! _I’m_ the one who should be mad!" Wooyoung snarled and San felt water boiling inside his head.

“ _I’m_ mad at _you_ because you’re whoring out when I _fell asleep_!”

Wooyoung felt like he wanted to throw up. “I was _drunk_ and you weren’t even here! What was I supposed to do?!” He yelled, directing an angry finger at a San with a face red as a tomato with his other hand on waist.

“How does you being drunk justify any of this shit?” San yelled back, but then stopped. Just stopped, looked at Wooyoung, put a smile so venomous on his face that Wooyoung grimaced with disgust even without hearing what he had to say. “Or does it?”

“What-?” Wooyoung started but San did not care. “Did he give you any kind of attention and you just couldn’t resist with your enhanced attention whore state? Is that what it is?”

Wooyoung felt it.

Wooyoung felt what it would conclude in before he even moved an inch but couldn’t stop to resist his actions.

"What the _fuck_? Are you fucking hearing yourself?!” Wooyoung pushed San as hard as he could and San stumbled, this time falling straight down to the floor.

As the backside of his head painfully collided with the bookshelf behind him and his vision was almost completely blackened for a second or two.

Wooyoung did not realize while the part where San’s head touched the shelf started to burn oddly and San grimaced painfully as the man in front of him keep yelling while his ears felt like they were underwater and eyes blurry.

“I’ve fucking had enough of you acting like nothing is-” When San bowed his head and slowly put a hand where he felt the burning the most and saw red cover his fingers with his wobbly vision trying to come back, Wooyoung stopped. When his eyes finally settled on San properly to see his fingers, his heart was caught in his throat as a gasp stopped him from going any further.

He didn’t even know how fast he crouched down in front of San.

“Oh my god, San, are you okay?! I’m sorry, I-” He didn’t know what to do with his hands as he threaded between trying to see what the wound is like and the blood on San’s hand. San frowned as he lowered his hand and blinked to get rid of the random floating dots covering his vision and nodded faintly.

“Yes… Yes, I’m fine, just-” He attempted to stand up just to collapse where he was right back. Wooyoung felt his hands shake when he saw blood slowly trickle down San’s nape to his shoulder. San grimaced once more, and he tried to get a shaky breath down his lungs as he looked around for _anything_. “Oh my god, no, no, it’s bleeding so much, we should-”

He quickly helped San get up and they left for the emergency room to get San 4 staples and a head full of hair covered in blood.

While Wooyoung helped clean any red substance peeking out rebelliously from San’s hair area with utmost worry etched on his face, San looked at him with drooping eyes and a hand on his thigh to keep himself anchored.

“Woo, it’s fine.” He whispered. God, did he want to sleep the sleepiness downing on him from the painkillers.

Wooyoung pouted, bottom lip jutted like he’s one second away from crying like his previous tears are not still in the process of drying. “It’s not fine, you’re hurt and it’s my fault. Shut up and let me clean you.”

San opened his mouth to retaliate that he didn’t push him purposefully to hurt him and it was his fault for saying stupid and senseless stuff and making him mad, but they were interrupted out of their moment by an individual with hospital uniforms passing by.

“Holy- Are you here again? Didn’t you just have 12 stitches for your hand? God, what is it this time? Are you taken care of? I’ll give you a regular boost on the line.”

Stranger which San actually, and sadly, did remember from his last visits here mocked as she shook her head from side to side, clearly amused. Wooyoung felt his face heat up and he looked down. “Seriously though, anything you need, you can find me. I’ll be around. Was it Choi San?”

When San nodded his injured head faintly enough not to cringe into himself, the nurse left to attend some other business in the emergency room and San pouted as he watched Wooyoung try not to cry-once again.

After Wooyoung and San started dating, they spent almost all of their time together as much as their schedules did not clash, including the time they had on the campus of their mutual university. Which meant they ate almost all of their lunches, and in case they both missed it when they ran extremely late that morning, also breakfast together. With occasional companies of others but never separately.

That day’s company was a Yunho with his newly bleached hair with a little bit of root sticking out and a Hongjoong that for some reason _really_ wanted to sit with them for this particular lunch.

San didn’t want to engage too much with the reason before quickly nodding his head at his very excited hyung and watched it as he walked with swift steps to the seat beside his oblivious best friend.

 _Ah, it should be that_ , San thought, laughing silently to himself as Wooyoung joined him with his tray full of cafeteria food and a face confused as he watched Hongjoong skip to the seat and sit down after he put his own tray on the table. Yunho pried his head away from his phone and stood up with a smile directed at Hongjoong on his face.

“Was that Hongjoong-hyung?”

San nodded. Was that a little bit of blush on Hongjoong’s ears? When did that even happen?

“He wanted to eat with us. It’s fine, right?” He turned to peck at his boyfriend’s lips and Wooyoung pushed him a little not to topple his tray over but smiled fondly nonetheless. “Sure, why not.” San took his tray and started walking towards where their table was while Wooyoung complained that _he could carry his own tray_ and that _Sanie is injured why is he doing any work?_

When they got closer to their table, Yunho diverted his attention from Hongjoong smiling at him while excitedly telling about a stray cat he saw outside, to San, smiling as he put down Wooyoung’s food. They both sat down on the seats across Hongjoong and Yunho, San finally happy that he didn’t have to battle with the drowsiness of the painkiller he took one or two hours ago.

“Oh, San-ah, did you get my orange juice?” Yunho smiled his usual smile at San while San started digging his own tray as soon as he put his ass on the seat. Hongjoong slightly pouted when he lost Yunho’s full attention and Wooyoung was still utterly confused as he passed Yunho his orange juice from his tray. What the fuck was up with Kim Hongjoong?

“Thank you~!” Yunho chirped and he too dug in, still oblivious to the atmosphere obviously darkened by Hongjoong’s pouting-chewing.

Wooyoung cleared his throat. “Ah, Yunho. Are you done with your computer science assignment? You said it was-” But Yunho interrupted with the most exasperated sigh and exaggerated eye-roll with the straw still in his mouth. Hongjoong hid a giggle with a small cough.

“I’m literally going to die trying to finish all of them, like, why??” He flailed his arms around, frustrated just by thinking. Hongjoong tried to avoid getting smacked in the face and almost failed. “Why do I have to do so much work, who even let me choose this major, why do I need to learn every single programming language? I contemplate my life decisions every day.”

San laughed with udon swinging from his mouth. “You know you don’t have to learn every language. It’s just the more the better.”

Yunho looked at him like the most obnoxious words just left San’s udon soup covered mouth. “If I don’t speak the language of creation how am I gonna make little program babies??”

San choked on his udon for a second and Hongjoong almost died laughing like it’s the most amusing shit he’s ever heard of and did not care about the heads he just turned in the cafeteria because _boy_ were they loud.

Wooyoung slapped San’s back to put the udon going in the wrong pipe in the right direction and rolled his eyes. “Yunho, you’re gay.” He deadpanned.

Yunho gaped, pointing his orange juice box towards Wooyoung defensively. “How does me being gay relate to-” When San finally stopped dying from his one spoonful of soup, he quickly had another one. “Dude, stop talking about making babies. It’s a gay household here.” Wooyoung nodded his head as he had a huge spoon of food in his mouth and murmured a “Yes, it’s disgusting.” with his mouth full and both cheeks swollen with a dead serious face. Yunho blinked.

Hongjoong frowned as he watched their ridiculous antics. “Wait. Why do you assume that I’m gay?”

Wooyoung rolled his eyes and swallowed the huge amount of food in his mouth. “Hyung, please.”

Hongjoong pouted and Yunho giggled at him.

“Anyways, San-ah. Is your head okay now?” Hongjoong asked, genuinely concerned as he stuffed his own face with everything on his plate. San and Wooyoung both tensed immediately and Yunho stopped trying to make the orange juice float inside the straw.

“What head?” He looked at San and then Wooyoung expectantly, but when they didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds Hongjoong blinked at him. “Oh, you didn’t know?” He swallowed what was inside his mouth under-chewed and cringed at the feeling. “San told me he almost split his head open a couple of days ago.” He had a bit more of what food he had left and Yunho looked at San staring at his plate with a face of unexplainable expression. “That’s why he wasn’t attending anything this past…” He stopped to think for a second. “…4 days, I think? Today is the second day he came back.”

Wooyoung started playing with his food.

Yunho murmured a soulless “Oh. Is that so?”, staring at San sighing uncomfortably. Hongjoong nodded, stuffing a bit of salad into his mouth, still oblivious to the dark cloud looming over them. “Yes. He didn’t show up to the evaluation for our collab work, that’s how I know.”

Yunho looked and looked at San and Wooyoung both bowing their heads like guilty puppies with anger and disappointment in his eyes and murmured a “Are you serious?” through gritted teeth. Hongjoong nodded enthusiastically, but then stopped, frowning. “But why don’t you know about that?”

Yunho blinked towards San. “Yeah, why don’t I know about that?”

Wooyoung fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably.

San closed his eyes, sighed and started “It’s just that-” but Yunho interrupted immediately. “Hyung, why don’t you tell me about how that happened? Did he tell you about that too?”

San tried to protest because he could _see_ his best friend was fuming right now. “Yunho, I-” But Yunho held up a hand to immediately silence him. “Oh, no, no. I asked him a question, San-ah. Let’s listen, shall we.”

Wooyoung felt like throwing up.

Hongjoong finally read the atmosphere as he stopped with his chopsticks mid-air and looked at every person slowly with his iced tea on the other hand then he settled on San as he gritted his teeth while looking towards the side. “What? I wasn’t supposed to tell him?”

Yunho openly turned his upper body towards Hongjoong’s baffled face and rested his face on his palm, his snarky smile not really reaching his eyes. “Hyung, of course you’re supposed to tell me. Am I not Sanie’s best friend after all?”

San rolled his eyes, annoyed at his best friend being a qualified dick. “Yunho, I was going to tell you myself. Today.”

To which Yunho did not even spare a look at. Wooyoung got even more uncomfortable as he momentarily hid his face with his hands.

“So, hyung. About how that happened…”

Hongjoong lowered his hand to place his chopsticks on his tray and swallowed the food puffing his cheeks. “Well, San briefly said they had a fight and Wooyoung kind of pushed him.”

Yunho raised his eyebrows almost to his hairline. “Wooyoung did?”

He took a sip from his already lukewarm iced tea as he nodded his head enthusiastically. “Said he fell and hit his head to the shelf behind him.” He put the tea on the table, peeled the lid of his vanilla yoghurt and licked it. “They went to the emergency room and got him some staples, apparently. _And_ he got a concussion that knocked him out for the rest of the day and half of the other.” And then he offered his yoghurt to Yunho before he started eating himself, to which Yunho simply shook his head from side to side. San regretted ever telling his hyung he could sit on the same table with them.

“A concussion, you say…” Yunho said, dull, clearly annoyed to the point he was trying not to lash out.

“It was an accident…” Wooyoung whispered unconfidently, almost drowned out in the white noise of the cafeteria and felt anything he managed to eat churn inside his stomach.

“Wasn’t his hand an _accident_ too? That got 12 stitches and took weeks to heal by the way, hindering almost all of his work while he had his finals week.” Yunho said, looking at Wooyoung almost doubling himself as he tried to avoid his intense gaze. “Oh, but you know that. You were the one who did it.”

“Yunho, it’s fine-” San stepped in when he felt his boyfriend start shaking beside him but again, Yunho did not let him and comically frowned as he waved his hand in the air. “Mind if I ask you but, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Wooyoung made a sound close to a whimper as San realized there are actual tears in his distressed boyfriend’s eyes.

“Yunho, stop that.” He warned but Yunho switched his nor flaming gaze to him as he hissed “The only person that needs to stop is your boyfriend with his abusive behavior.” as he pointed an accusing finger at Wooyoung.

Wooyoung just kicked the chair under him and left with swift footsteps leading him through the sea of curious looks.

San slammed his hand on the table not-so-lightheartedly. Hongjoong jumped in his seat with his yoghurt box in his hand and plastic spoon in his mouth. “What is wrong with _you_ , Yunho? Don’t act like he did it on purpose.”

“He has been doing it _not on purpose_ for months, San. First small scratches, then your hand and now a whole concussion, like, are you kidding me?” Yunho said, voice dripping with annoyance and San felt the headache that’s been lingering in the back of his head triple in size.

“He would never hurt me on purpose, Yunho, you know that.” San got up from his seat to gather his and Wooyoung bags in his arms quickly. “You need to stop being such an ass to my _boyfriend_.”

Yunho felt the anger before he could even reverberate it into his words. “He is the reason for anything bad in your life, San. Have you turned blind?” He almost yelled over cafeteria’s ruckus and San stopped to look at him for one second, his face lacking any expression and arms hugging the both of their bags close to his chest, he too paced through the sea of people just trying to have their meals in peace and failing because of one particular table and its habitants.

He heard someone say “Aren’t they that weird couple everyone talks about?” and someone else say “Jesus, are they fighting again?” as he stepped close enough to involuntarily eavesdrop on his way out.

He shut his eyes tightly and walked a few steps blindly, did not care who he bumped into and did not care when the frustrated yells of them as he kept walking.

His head hurt.

His head hurt and maybe his whole body was shaking but he didn’t know why.

He didn’t know _anything_.

The only thing he actually was sure about was that he needed to find Wooyoung.

That he _needed_ Wooyoung.

And it was like he felt his presence at his nape pulling him towards Wooyoung when he found him at the back of the building, crouched down in a corner rich with almost dead vines and a rusty fence dangerously close to his boyfriend’s beautiful skin, hyperventilating with powerful hiccups occasionally choking him as he hid his face in his knees from the world’s judging eyes.

San hesitated before he took a step closer.

“Wooyoung-ah…” He whispered, breathy and almost inaudible over the lively campus.

Wooyoung stopped breathing for a second.

“Why are you here?..” He squeaked and his voice cracked at the end. He swallowed but the rasp in his voice did not go away. He hated it. He hated everything.

San took another step, careful like no one could be, and dropped the bags on the floor as he went. “Why did you leave-” San started, his own voice shaky throughout and his head hurt _so much_ and he felt like he would just collapse on spot but-

“Why are you here?!” Wooyoung straight out screamed and San instead froze on spot, wincing at the incredible throbbing in his head. “Why are you here, he was right!”

San looked at him, saw how his face was almost the color of a ripe tomato with tears staining his cheeks through his vision getting almost tunneled with black in the edges and his head hurt _so much_ -

“Wooyoung, he-” He tried to protest but Wooyoung yelled another “Yunho was right, San, the only thing I do is hurt you, don’t you see?!” as San almost closed the two steps worth of distance between them and tried to hide into the brick wall pathetically to create more. San felt something rip at his chest with almost the same pain that was splitting his head.

“Stop screaming, for fuck’s sake!” He yelled back.

Wooyoung’s breath hitched as more tears streamed down his red cheeks. San felt like throwing up.

He tried to crouch down slowly in front of his weeping boyfriend but stumbled into him halfway when another throb stabbed him from somewhere very close to where his staples are. Wooyoung did not hesitate even a second as he wrapped his arms around San’s body pliant against his own and face hidden in his shoulder, almost instinctively.

San whispered a shaky “Stop… Please…” as he wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s waist, finding the tiniest bit of comfort in just touching him. Wooyoung rested his head on top of San’s carefully and gulped down shaky breaths as his tears dampened San’s hair.

“But he was right, Sanie… I don’t deserve you…” He whispered, broken almost as much as how the both them are, wept into San’s hair which he probably should not have since San’s wound which was nowhere near healing yet was dangerously close. “You shouldn’t be near me… Yunho was right…”

San shook his head and felt another headache stab him mercilessly. “I need you… Please, Wooyoung…” He hid his face deeper into Wooyoung’s neck and Wooyoung finally felt tears on his skin.

San was… crying?

The thing was that San wasn’t ashamed of crying or anything. It was just that-

Wooyoung never even saw him cry.

He felt his heart do painful twists inside his chest as San sniffled and tensed in his arms for a second after. “Sanie?..” He felt all of his pain so strong being replaced by another that was a lot complicated to bear as he helped San’s body curled up against him in the strangest way possible while San only whimpered softly against his skin. “San-ah?” He repeated softly, but this time with panic slightly evident in his voice.

“My head hurts…” San whispered as Wooyoung just realized how much he was shaking. Anything he felt earlier turned into full-on panic and he tried to look at San in the face, but San kept using Wooyoung’s tender neck to block any possible sunlight.

“San-ah, look at me. Are you okay? Should we go to the doctor?” He tried with his voice thick with shed and unshed emotion and more tears wet his neck when San shook his head no. “Just stay... I only need you…”

So they stayed like that as Wooyoung silently kept wetting San’s hair with pent-up frustration at everything that went down and San tried not to puke all over his boyfriend until he got okay enough to actually stand up, go home and call it a day with ten prescription painkillers.

He actually did puke on the way home though. It was a mess.

"I fucking hate this shit..." Yunho mumbled, grumpy and oddly disappointed at the scene and Hongjoong almost couldn't hear him over the sea of drunk people chattering, singing and yelling on top of their lungs.

Song Mingi, gaining Yunho's half-drunk stares as he made his grand entrance with Kim Yeji, his brand-new girlfriend, and his hand on her ass ever since, wandered around the punch table to wish happy birthday to Wooyoung like they just realized the core reason why they attended the party. Yunho felt like puking all over both of them when San obviously congratulated their newly found relationship from where they were several meters ahead. 

"Like, what the fuck? It hasn't even been 2 months since we broke up, why is he here with his fucking girlfriend?" He slurred; shady booze offered at the tables earlier already got to his head to the point he stumbled from time to time. "Doesn't he know I would be here, that inconsiderate annoying prick." 

Hongjoong seriously considered stealing the yellow "I'm single" cup still half full in his hand and run towards the horizon and don't turn back.

"Yunho-yah, it's been 2 months. You should get over him already."

Mingi whispered something in Yeji's ear when Wooyoung and San were off to talk to some new faces and her giggles were suppressed by the heavy bass, the physical and emotional distance. Yunho completely ignored Hongjoong, with a voice on the verge of drunk tears.

"So what? I was so bad that he just stopped being gay? Doesn't he know that's fucking rude?"

Hongjoong looked at his own green "It's complicated" cup and wanted to slam it on Yunho's oblivious-but-unfairly-so-fucking-cute head, sighing a despairing sigh.

San rolled his eyes when he and Wooyoung were far enough that Mingi and his girlfriend would not be able to sense his hypocrisy.

“I don’t remember inviting a slut to my beautiful boyfriend’s birthday party.”

He stopped to fix the collars of Wooyoung’s red satin shirt and smiled a smile so fake Wooyoung almost giggled as he grabbed San’s warm hands into his to interlace their fingers. “You know Mingi is my friend, Sanie. Of course, he would bring his girlfriend with him, they are still trying to set things in place.”

San leaned in to kiss his boyfriend’s pretty beauty mark just under his eye and smiled as he rubbed his free thumb over his chin. Wooyoung smelled the expensive alcohol in his breath but did not mind as long as it was his Sanie. “But, baby, you know about what happened with Yunho…”

Wooyoung grimaced as he remembered how San told him he found Yunho crying on the floor so hard he almost couldn’t make it to the toilet to empty his stomach and even then he had to wait one more hour until Yunho could tell San that Mingi broke up with him saying “he simply wasn’t gay anymore”. San was so mad the following month that being in the one hundred meters radius of Mingi would piss him off.

Because San has never seen his best friend so ruined before and he would never admit it but it reminded him of Wooyoung’s lowest.

Wooyoung smiled cutely and fixed San’s burgundy choker from where it stuck to itself. “I know, Sanie, but now that they are here and Yunho is already over it…” They both turned to see Hongjoong subtly try and take the yellow cup from Yunho’s hand and fail miserably every time as Yunho gulped down surely more than he should. Wooyoung murmured pressing his lips together, “…Or at least is in the process of doing so…” as he raised his eyebrows high on his forehead.

San sighed and waved at a random familiar face passing by. “If Yunho gets too overwhelmed I won’t back out. Deal?” He smiled, too sweet and Wooyoung kissed his stupid lips once. “Everyone will be high as heck about five minutes later, it should be fine.”

San tried to capture his lips while he leaned back to create some gap between them and Wooyoung giggled and pushed him back a bit playfully.

But then he saw a familiar black mop of hair in the crow d and stilled for a second.

“Sanie?” He murmured as San tightened his arms around his waist to close the unwanted gap between them.

“Yes, baby?” San murmured, placed a sweet kiss on Wooyoung’s neck and turned to look at the direction Wooyoung is staring- _glaring_ at.

“Why is _Park Seonghwa_ here?” Wooyoung hissed and San unwrapped his arms before Wooyoung could push them to cock his head to the side.

“Was that a problem? I invited him because he was with Hongjoong-hyung when we were talking.”

Wooyoung raised his eyebrows high enough that his forehead creased. “Are you really asking if this is a problem _now_?”

San rolled his eyes. “Why should I concern about anyone being invited while this place is filled with people we’ve never seen before? And all that while Seonghwa is someone we actually know?”

“Are you serious right now? When I first met him, ten minutes later you had a whole jar of glass in your hand, San.” Wooyoung frowned and San could hear the irritation even with the loud music fighting its way through in the background.

“That was months ago, Wooyoung. Don’t make such a big deal out of it, it’s fine.” San looked around absentmindedly as he crossed his arms on his chest and fake-smiled at someone several meters ahead when they met eyes. Wooyoung frowned even more like it was possible.

“How is it not a big deal when the guy is fucking head over heels for you?” Wooyoung said in a voice only San would be able to hear as he poked his chest to make him take a step back.

San frowned even more like it was a contest and they were trying to win a childish but kind of deadly game.

“Why the fuck is Jongho here then?” He hissed the same way Wooyoung did, their foreheads only inches apart.

“Jongho is my friend.”

“Seonghwa is _my_ friend.”

“And it is my _birthday_ , remind you, asshole.” Wooyoung bumped their foreheads a little harshly and San leaned back to rub the pain away, still frowning.

“What was that?” He couldn’t help but laugh at the stupidity, the expensive shots they had before they decided to show everyone their faces finally kicking in. Wooyoung smiled when he heard San’s laughing, something he could never resist, especially while the fifth shot was doing its job very well, and replaced San’s hand with his red lips. “Your punishment for making me annoyed at my own birthday party.”

San raised on his tiptoes and giggled like him biting Wooyoung’s lower lip was the most amusing thing in the world. “Now _you’re_ in charge of punishments?” He whispered lowly and Wooyoung felt his face burn immediately as he fell victim to his own memories. He smacked San in the chest as San once again wrapped his arm around him, guiding him through the crowd of drunk university students.

“Shut up, I’m mad at you. Don’t talk to Seonghwa.”

“Okay, okay.” San murmured, smiling as he nuzzled Wooyoung’s neck.

Yeosang looked at the surprisingly starry sky, trying to drown the muffled music coming from behind the glass door leading to not so big balcony he was currently standing, with the relatively better quality booze he snuck up from Wooyoung and San earlier when he was looking for his best friend for the formation of chairs that no one would be using anyways. And he was mostly successful at it, considering he looked at the sky and saw Winnie the Pooh smiling down at him and giggled, though he was _not_ gone enough to wave at it. No.

He almost didn’t catch the glass doors clicking behind him as he sipped the last of his bottle and turned to scold Jongho being late to renew his beverage when he asked him over twenty minutes ago.

But who he saw instead was a man, tall and very attractive to his drunk eyes, if he must admit, and jet black hair to suit his handsome features.

Yeosang, without a doubt, had too much to drink.

“You’re _not_ Jongho.” He frowned and shoved his empty bottle to his direction, towards where the party he despises so much at that moment was still taking place. “How dare he let me wait, this kid…”

Seonghwa blinked once, twice with his hand still on the glass door and looked inside. “Um… Didn’t know someone was here, I can go back in if you want…” He trailed off when he turned back to look at Yeosang once more but Yeosang shook his head from side to side so hard he almost stumbled.

“No, no, please. Jongho dumped me so we have a vacant spot right here.” He pointed at right beside his own feet and Seonghwa smiled a stiff smile as he took it without much hesitation, leaning his elbows to the railing.

“Why are you out here drinking on your own?” Seonghwa smiled, first to the starry night and then to Yeosang watching him for no reason other than him being drunk. Yeosang shrugged and turned to gaze over the people looking like ants from where he was.

“I just hate parties. And drunk college kids in general. Loud music too, yeah.” He bottomed his bottle up but he got nothing but a drop of the bitter drink. “Are you friends with the birthday boy? He seems to have a lot.”

Seonghwa smiled, bitter as he sipped his own beer. “No, I’m San’s friend.” Yeosang nodded his head when he finished waiting for any drop left in the bottle and Seonghwa sighed a bit, resting his hand on his palms. “Not really… _friend_ friend but more like…”

Yeosang contemplated just letting the bottle loose and watching it shatter on the floor just because it was empty and he was mad at it.

“More like… I kinda liked him.” Seonghwa pouted while Yeosang twirled his bottled in his hand dangerously, attention finally fully on the man five seconds away from moping beside him.

“He has a boyfriend, though.” He searched and Seonghwa laughed bitterly as he turned towards the glass doors. Yeosang stared at him for a second before he too turned to see Wooyoung giggling so hard at something San apparently said and San looking at him like it’s his whole world in front of him wrapping his arms around his neck as they danced around.

“Yeah. They are cute.” Seonghwa murmured, an incomplete smile twisting his lips and Yeosang frowned a little. “They are.”

Seonghwa took a few sips from his lukewarm beer and stopped to feel the night breeze through his black hair. “You know, I also thought he liked me back.”

Yeosang laughed as he combed his fingers through his caramel hair. San and Wooyoung stopped dancing to let Wooyoung excitedly hug someone passing by that Yeosang remembers as Changbin. “Why is that?”

Seonghwa shrugged and took another sip. “He said he liked to draw me, my body every time I modelled for him, kinda flirted with me and like…” He took another sip. “…didn’t even tell me he had a partner of any kind, so I thought, you know… Then I started liking him, but learned that he already has been in a relationship for about one and a half years now? Crazy.”

He sighed, took another long sip and Yeosang was fuming.

“Oh… Really?..”

Choi fucking San. Flirting with that shitty personality of his, behind his best friend’s back.

He didn’t even think twice before he handed Seonghwa the empty bottle and gritted his teeth. “Hold that.”

“Like, look at them, there are a hundred people here and Mr Song is about to drop his pants on the floor.” Yunho hiccupped, his yellow cup that Hongjoong was not able to count how many times was refilled emptying once more as he waited for the last drop to land on his stuck-out tongue. “Hyung, what does he even see in her that does not make him turn gay again?”

Hongjoong sighed, frustration evident all over his face as Yunho turned around to grab the shot glass of some poor girl passing by. “You can’t just change your sexuality, Yunho.”

Yunho handed the small glass to Hongjoong and sniffed, pouting and the girl glared at them long enough that Hongjoong had to silently apologize on behalf of the drunk dumbass beside him.

“How did he stop being gay, then?! I’ll scream, hyung!” Yunho yelled, flailing his arms around and pouting in the most adorable way and Hongjoong wanted to scream himself as Yunho stretched his long arms to the table behind them to take another green cup halfway full randomly sitting there. Hongjoong mentally gagged thinking who Yunho would be indirectly kissing and reached in a hurry just before the rim touched his cute lips. “Yunho, you need to stop drinking.”

Yunho tried to get the stray cup back from where Hongjoong was hiding it behind his back, still pouting the cutest pout and Hongjoong wanted to just-

“Hyung, please, I need to drown my sorrows in cheap alcoho-”

And Hongjoong did.

Hongjoong did because Jeong Yunho was moping for _months_ for Mingi who was being experimental with him and decided it wasn’t for him. He was so tired of seeing Yunho sad but then at the same time, he was so selfish and felt _so_ frustrated that Yunho just wouldn’t _see_ him while he was _right in front of him_ so-

He closed the little gap they had between them -a product of Yunho acting like a child that got their toy confiscated-, reached up to put his free hand on Yunho’s nape and pressed his full lips on Yunho’s slightly wet but adorable nonetheless lips.

It was warm and Yunho’s breath still lingered with lots of alcohol but Hongjoong didn’t -couldn’t- mind as he felt his ears turn reddest.

“Hyung…” Yunho whispered over the loud bass and Hongjoong almost didn’t hear him while he stared at his upper cheeks turn the same shade as Hongjoong’s hair, his slightly disoriented eyes searching Hongjoong’s for any clue on his hyung’s antics.

“Ah, how I wish you were sober right now…” Hongjoong whispered, eyes glued to Yunho’s lips slightly parted, strangely not in shock but contemplation.

“Hyung, I-” Yunho started but Hongjoong _finally_ felt all of the embarrassment veiled in alcohol, turned full-on red and retracted his hand on the back of Yunho’s neck and took two steps back, the green cup still in his hand.

“Yunho, I’m sorry, I just- It’s just-” Hongjoong stammered, taking steps back and accidentally bumping into someone in the cramped place and his heart was _racing_ and Yunho was looking at him with a face he could not decipher in the dark and _oh my fucking god what did I just do_ but-

But Yunho just smiled a goofy smile and pulled him back, hugged him so tight Hongjoong felt the air leave his lungs forcefully.

“Hyung, where are you going?”

“Yunho, let me go, I can’t-” Hongjoong tried to push his chest to let himself free of Yunho’s _too_ strong arms.

Yunho laughed as Hongjoong struggled, put his big hand on Hongjoong’s nape to tuck at the baby hairs there and put his lips back on Hongjoong’s without hesitation.

Hongjoong’s eyes were the size of a saucer for about 8 seconds.

The green cup in his hand fell and made a mess on the floor and their clothes but no one gave a damn.

Hongjoong did not know, Hongjoong did not understand what the fuck Jeong Yunho was after because he didn’t even acknowledge him before that but-

His arms around his smaller build, his hand in his peach-colored hair and his warm and smoothest lips -and the alcohol in his system- did not let him question anything as he kissed Yunho back in the middle of tens of oblivious drunk people.

Until they heard a girl’s shriek and multiple people yelling, easily overpowering the loudness of anything else.

Hongjoong parted their lips as Yunho resisted for a second and looked over the crowd to see the rudeness that interrupted their _magical moment_ , still drowsy from the kiss and his lips kind of tingling with the sensation, to see Choi San sprawled on the floor with Jung Wooyoung helping him up as Kang Yeosang towered above them with his fists clenched. What the fuck.

“Is that San?” Yunho mumbled, trying to reach out and see through the heads blocking his view but Hongjoong rolled his eyes so hard he could’ve sworn he saw his brain.

“No, of course not, why would it be, let’s go somewhere else.” He mumbled absentmindedly as he dragged the drunk Yunho through the crowd easily for only a couple steps, as Yunho protested that _if it was San he should help because he was the best friend and it is his duty,_ broke free from Hongjoong’s arms to go and try to _protect San from the devils themselves_. When all he did was try to go through the curious crowd in a futile attempt and fail, Hongjoong dragged him outside as he tried to convince him further. Yunho pouted.

“Yeosang, what the _fuck_?!” Wooyoung shrieked as he crouched down beside San and put a hand on his back to help him stay up. San hissed in pain when he put his hand over the left side of his chin and glared at Yeosang shaking his hand in the air.

“He knows what the fuck, don’t worry,” Yeosang growled through teeth, stumbled a bit and turning back to where he strutted from, ignoring everything and anyone whispering about them, to see Seonghwa watching the scene unfold before him with eyes so wide they looked like they would pop out any second.

“Wh- Why-” Seonghwa stuttered but Yeosang walked towards where he stood in front of the glass doors with the empty bottle he entrusted him half a minute ago, confident as he tugged Seonghwa’s black hair, leaned their foreheads together to murmur “I’m Yeosang, by the way. Wooyoung’s best friend.” before he smashed their lips together.

Seonghwa didn’t know what the fuck was going on as he had his eyes wider as they could be, heard the whispers of people almost equally clueless and yells of people too intoxicated to hold their excitement back and as Yeosang dragged him through the crowd holding his hand tighter than it should be, he could only gape like a goldfish.

“Is it any better?” Wooyoung murmured, pouting as he held an ice pack to San’s obviously bruising chin and San leaned on the wall of their bedroom, closed his eyes at the slight pain at his chin, the door shut closed to keep the ruckus of partying outside.

“No, it’s not.” San rolled his eyes angrily, looking everywhere but Wooyoung ever since he pushed him into the wall and kept his shoulder in place.

“I’m sorry, like, I don’t even know what he was th-” Wooyoung started but San pushed his hand away.

“He fucking _hates_ me, that’s what he was thinking!” He yelled and Wooyoung flinched as he dropped the ice bag to the floor. “Do you think I don’t know how he looks at me? It’s like he wouldn’t raise a finger if I was dying!”

Wooyoung looked at him, bewildered at his words. “San, you know that’s not true. He must’ve had a reason to…” He trailed off, realizing he didn’t have any justification for his own words and his voice almost didn’t make it through the muffled noise coming through the shut door.

San could not believe his drunk ears.

“What the fuck is a reason to punch your friend’s boyfriend on a fucking birthday party, Wooyoung?!” San yelled, not even realizing that he flailed his arms around too much and almost hit the wall.

Wooyoung blinked, watched San’s face turn red from either anger or alcohol and could only stutter incoherent words into the air, “San, please-” or “I don’t know but listen to me-”, until the door separating them from the mess that was the party opened slowly to reveal a very confused and obviously intoxicated Jongho with a yellow cup in his hand.

He looked at San, and then Wooyoung and then around the room before raising his eyebrows up to his hairline. “This isn’t the bathroom, right?”

Wooyoung took a deep breath as he facepalmed with one hand waved him off with the other. “No, no, it’s not.”

“Oh, okay.” Jongho giggled, raised his cup high in the air after taking a huge sip and yelled “Great party, by the way!” and just left.

After a brief silence lingering painfully in the air, San raised his arm towards the now-closed door and yelled. “Why is he here?!”

Wooyoung frowned, irritation just now taking its place between his intoxicated thoughts and yelled back. “Why is Seonghwa here?!”

“Seonghwa is my _friend_??” San yelled; eyes open in annoyance tainted with shock at how Wooyoung still could question Seonghwa’s presence.

“Jongho is _my_ friend, what the fuck??” Wooyoung retaliated with growing anger laying between every opening of his boyfriend’s mouth.

“I fucking told you a thousand times that he-”

“And I fucking told you that he’s my _friend_ -”

“Your _best friend_ punched me in the fucking face, Wooyoung!” San yelled, pointing at the possible direction of Yeosang outside the room. “I’m supposed to trust your friends now?”

“Your friend wants to fuck you on a Friday night in your atelier with paint as fucking lube, San!” Wooyoung almost shrieked, his sight of his boyfriend’s gorgeous face getting blurry with drunk tears only making his equally drunk heartache in his chest with frustration.

San sent him a horrified look as his shoulders deflated visibly. “What the fuck, he never… never said that…” He trailed off, frowning when he realized through his own vision getting contorted at the edges that Wooyoung’s prettiest eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“Wooyoung-ah…” He whispered as he rested his palm across his love’s reddish cheeks, thumbed the beauty mark on his bottom lip like it was the most precious thing.

“Sanie…” Wooyoung whimpered as he closed his eyes and a tear strayed down to where San’s fingers cupped his cheeks gently. He wiped it, tender, whispered “Baby…” as he got closer and closer to Wooyoung’s beautiful face like an invisible thread binding them together got shorter and shorter and they could do nothing else but _just_ touch.

Touch as their lips danced together and fought for dominance with their eyes closed.

And touch with their hands rapid as they tried to get rid of any clothing clinging to their heated skin with little to no breaks from their kiss.

And touch as Wooyoung pushed them off the wall behind himself and guided San through the dimly lit room with eyes closed until the back of San’s knees collided with the edge of their bed and he tumbled down with a groan with Wooyoung flushed impossibly close to his chest, clinking their teeth messily in the process but they didn’t even care about the music seething through the gaps of the closed door or the chatter and yells of the people they’ve probably never seen in their lives before and didn’t care that not even five minutes ago they were suppressing those voices with their angry words.

And touch as Wooyoung did not even bother to hide the moan creeping up his throat as San messily kissed his way to add new hickeys beside the old ones still lingering where his Adam’s apple swelled, possessive while he dug his fingers painfully into the cradle of his boyfriend’s hip.

Touch as Wooyoung’s eyes rolled back and he resisted _so hard_ not to melt into San’s chest in exaggerated trembles and a broken whimper, contrary to the ice bag forgotten on the laminate flooring.

And when San opened his eyes once more, it was to a quiet morning’s sunbeams seething through the curtains forgotten to be drawn the night before, due to obvious reasons, and the most beautiful sleeping face of his boyfriend.

He did not mind the vague pounding at the back of his head and the time period he had to wait for Wooyoung to flatter open his eyes adorably as he silently watched with the sweetest smile.

“‘Morning.” He rasped while his hand missed not even a second to curl around Wooyoung’s still sleepy face, to which Wooyoung disregarded any efforts to open his eyes and leaned into comfortably, purring out “Good morning…”. San smiled even warmly at the crack of his morning voice.

“You’re the most beautiful.” He whispered, his hand touching every crevice of his face, gentle like he might just break and loving like no other. Wooyoung’s cheeks painted a pretty pink as a shy smile twisted his equally pretty lips of the same shade.

“I’m not…” Wooyoung whispered and San smiled widely, dimples and all, and Wooyoung felt himself fall all over again for the man wrapped inside the white comforter, naked from head to toe as far as he remembered with brown hair all over the white pillow with the streak of white in front and one side of his head he thought was a stupid idea once but then fell in love with not even five minutes later, just like anything else about Choi San.

But then the bruise on his chin.

Angry and not befitting of the perfection of his face.

“Is your chin okay?” He murmured, pouting not cutely but with genuine concern and San’s smile dimmed considerably.

“Ah…” He extricated his hand out of the comforter to mindlessly put on where he remembered the now purple bruise to be and winced slightly. Wooyoung almost had tears blurring his vision as he winced with him.

“Is it so bad? Do you want me to get something to put on it? I’ll go get it real qui-” He attempted to get up and go search for anything that might make the angry purple color go away, but San held his arm gently even before the comforter could slide off his naked chest.

“No, no, it’s fine Young-ah. Come here.” Wooyoung turned to look at him with the most concerned look on his face but San’s just smiled at him with a smile that was supposed to be reassuring and tugged at his arm to signal him to lay back down. He did without question. 

“Anything’s fine as long as you’re here.” San smiled as he pulled Wooyoung’s body impossibly close to his and Wooyoung tried to blurt out a whole ment about how _they should do something about his chin and they are already late about it and absolutely cannot neglect it_ but failed when he was silenced by his boyfriend’s lips covering his own distractingly.

The body heat complementing his own and feel of familiarity against his bare skin melted him to the point he could only whimper into the kiss and hands of the one person he could cede himself to without any doubt lazily touched his waist, thighs and interlaced their fingers to reach his back and close the quarter of a distance between them with a wicked smile.

He loved it. He loved being with San.

He loved everything about San.

When San’s hand reached up to play with the hairs on his nape sleepily and in return, Wooyoung put his hand on San’s chin on instinct, no matter how gentle, San immediately broke the kiss. Wooyoung almost whined, opened his mouth to thread an essay of protest at the loss of contact but heard San’s pained gasp and opened his eyes.

“Sanie?” Wooyoung trailed off as he immediately pulled his hand back and cupped the other side of his face and San frowned, looking everywhere but him with a troubled expression to cause the downturn of his lips. “I’m sorry, I- It hurts, right? I’m sorry.”

San sighed, slow and drawn out, gently took Wooyoung’s hand awkwardly hovering above his head, interlaced their fingers and put a smile on to defeat the sullen atmosphere. “It wasn’t your fault, baby. Don’t ever apologize for what was not your fault.”

Wooyoung looked into his eyes and saw nothing but familiarity and love in them. “But Yeosang is my-”

San’s smile twitched for a second, almost unidentifiable before he gently brushed the hair away from Wooyoung’s forehead and entwined their legs under the white sheets. “Yeah, about that, Young-ah.”

Wooyoung stopped, looked and looked at the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen and still saw nothing but warmness as he waited for San to continue.

San took another small breath in, this time excruciatingly slow or so it felt to Wooyoung as he searched both of his boyfriend’s eyes, and the corner of his lips turned upside again. “Don’t you think you should stop seeing Yeosang already?”

Wooyoung stopped breathing for a second and searched and searched and searched and found nothing but genuineness.

“Stop seeing?..” He murmured, getting somewhat distracted with the way San brushed his thumb over his cheek, gently like he was touching the most fragile thing in the world and watched as he smiled, bitter.

“Yes, baby,” San whispered, looked into both of Wooyoung’s eyes, let his breath wash over his face and put a cotton candy sweet kiss on his nose. “Wasn’t that the last straw? He punched your boyfriend on your birthday, how is that okay for a friend, huh?” He stopped and looked at Wooyoung’s face losing every last bit of a smile, sighed a little. “He hates me so much for no reason at all, you knew that, _I_ knew that but I never thought-” He stopped once more to knead his eyebrows together in worry, cupped Wooyoung’s cheeks gently to guide his worried look back to himself. “How can someone that stooped so low to hurt your boyfriend can keep existing in your life?”

Wooyoung gulped, thick and painful and his eyes strayed down to the angry bruise covering San’s chin. San grabbed his hand once more and carefully brushed his thumb over Wooyoung’s palm comfortingly.

“He didn’t even see you that much, you barely hung out. He doesn’t deserve someone like you, baby. You know that so well.” San whispered and smiled the smile that Wooyoung could never say no to in a million years even if he tried so fucking hard to and he already knew, he knew that everything San said was the truth and Yeosang was being too hateful towards San and for no reason so what was he even supposed to do already?

He felt his heartache for a second or two and could not exactly decipher why but hummed all the same.

“Yes.” He whispered, felt his stomach churn with unwanted butterflies and slowly but gentler than anyone was capable of, put his hand on San’s perfect face, looked at him like he was the only thing in the world worth breathing for but still felt tears in his eyes ready to slip down towards the pillows anytime. “Yes, I think you’re right, Sanie.”

San pressed his lips together for a half-smile and put their foreheads together, closed his eyes to which a tear immediately fell almost of its volition. “No, Wooyoung-ah, please don’t cry.” He whispered but Wooyoung felt even more tears just stream down on the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry, Sanie, I’m so sorry, I-” Hiccups shook his chest violently but then again, he didn’t even know why he was crying. San slowly took a breath, smiled as reassuring as possible and pulled him into his chest. Wooyoung got a shaky whiff of the familiar smell of skin, sweat and faint bitterness of alcohol, probably from the time San’s cup fully toppled over himself when Yeosang-

“It’s fine, baby. Everything will be fine, don’t you worry.” San whispered and Wooyoung felt for a brief moment that yes, everything would be just _fine_ and they would be okay as long as San had his arms around him like this and whispered so close to his ears like this and engulfed him in his godly scent like this and he just-

He just could not afford to lose San. Ever.

So, he sniffed as he buried his head into the comfort of San’s bare chest, made himself as small as possible so San could pull him flush to himself, making him feel the safest, feel at home.

Completely oblivious to the mess of a house they had to clean later on.

Wooyoung met, more like met for real for the first time, San on a day which the skies decided to hide the bright sun with a couple of dark clouds in the middle of the spring, under the oldest tree in the campus as San stroked his pen on a note of sandpaper, his moves gentler than a the feel of silk on skin and his hands more delicate than anything he’s ever seen in his life and doubted even existed.

His colored mullet collected his attention first, a bluish-grey back then, when he saw him around the campus where he would occasionally talk to Yunho because of his relationship with Mingi when they still dated. His dimples, he would think occasionally when Yunho told him he would be spending the night with Mingi and he shouldn’t bother cooking him dinner too, his dimples were cute and maybe when he smiled his eyes would crease to create the cutest crescents. When time passed and passed and he and Yunho would bump into San when they would have a casual conversation, Yeosang often poked his back because he would magically almost trip where San was while standing on his feet.

But he could not look at San’s face properly and tell him anything other than a simple “Hi!” or “Yeah, see you later!” without feeling his legs give out or his voice crack miserably.

He just could not because he didn’t deserve it. He was the most miserable and pathetic creature in the world, and he was never worth anything good in life, even though Yeosang tried like his own life depended on it to make him believe he was not any of that and he deserved everything and more.

He just could not. He was ugly and not worth someone as perfect as San was.

San thought Wooyoung was the prettiest creature to possibly ever exist in this world.

He would ask for the guy with the brown hair that Yunho kept talking to around campus and Yunho would tell him _it is not exactly a great idea to be seeing that guy right now because he knew him from back when they had dance classes together, he had to drop out because was not exactly stable and was all over the place, he knew and he was trying to warn him for once and he should listen to him as his best friend_.

But when on that cloudy day, when San decided to do charcoal under that tree for once in his life because he hated how messy it was but like, _try something new, dude,_ as that annoying Hongjoong guy from class nagged him in that morning, he decided it was one of the best decisions he has ever made in his life.

As The Wooyoung he had been talking about nonstop to Yunho for the past few weeks stumbled towards him on the spring green grass, obviously pushed by a very-fed-up-with-his-bullshit-already-so-just-go-talk-to-him Yeosang some meters behind him gradually escaping the scene he had just caused, he blinked.

He blinked because Wooyoung’s face was so red it could beat a tomato if they competed and he was crushing the grass under his feet, looking everywhere but anywhere near San’s direction, his hands linked on his back, playing with his fingers shyly.

He couldn’t do anything but giggle as his own cheeks caught little of the red of Wooyoung’s face. “Hi! You’re Wooyoung, right?”

Wooyoung immediately raised his head to look at him with saucer-sized eyes like San knowing his name was the most unbelievable thing that could ever happen to him. San giggled a bit more and patted the spot just beside him on the grass. “I was just drawing some stuff, come on. It’s not very comfortable, though.”

Wooyoung looked at where he was pointing at, his hands, his drawing and then his face slow enough San almost thought he didn’t want to, but then he took one slow, shaky step towards the huge bark of the old tree and sat down exactly where San pointed at.

“You’re-” He stammered. “You’re San…”

San shook his head, maybe too enthusiastically. “Yes. So, what are you doing around here?”

Wooyoung thought he hated Yeosang for ever pushing him after a good nagging session and just leaving him to it just like that, but it did not take long for him to be the most thankful person when San smiled and his dimples showed and he felt like just at that moment, the clouds pried themselves apart to reveal the sun to shine upon them. For them.

San’s pearl perfect smile and the cutest dimples and prettiest eye smile. For him.

Just for him.

“Sanie, Sanie, come on already~!” Wooyoung jumped in his seat, tiny with a protective plastic sheet on his shoulders, giggling cutely and making grabby hands in the air when San finally showed up with a brush in his hand, stirring the cup of a pretty lilac hair dye.

“Okay, okay!” San smiled his brightest smile, dimples and all, as he stood in front of the chair Wooyoung was sitting for the last ten minutes as he prepared the dye in the bathroom. Wooyoung immediately hugged his slim waist, nuzzled his nose on San’s belly while San tried his best not to cringe away in a fit of giggles and looked up at him with the puppiest eyes between his newly bleached blonde bangs. Paper bags under the chair in case the dye spilled got crushed between themselves annoyingly.

“Hi.” Wooyoung hid his face back into the unused apron San put on not to stain his fuzzy sweater underneath with another giggle and San still thought the top of his head was the cutest thing ever.

“Hi, baby.” He stooped down enough to put a sweet kiss on the strands of frizzy gold hair and stood back up when Wooyoung hugged him even harder, very determinately trying to blow a raspberry on the apron. “You made me wait.”

San carefully put down the plastic cup of dye on the table near, brushed Wooyoung’s blonde hair with his fingers and gave in to Wooyoung’s arms trying to squeeze him to death and hugged him back, smiling. “Baby, we need to do your hair, the dye is gonna go bad.”

Wooyoung got only eyes out of the green apron he was wearing and murmured as his words got cutely muffled. “Okay but kiss me?”

San could swear he would kill for the warmness in his chest as he smiled so big his dimples deepened. Wooyoung untied his arms from around San’s waist, tilted his head upwards and cupped his face instead as San bent over to reach and push his lips on Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung giggled at the blush covering his own cheeks and San smiled at his giggles so they couldn’t even kiss anymore since it was all teeth and too little lips.

When San was the first one to break the kiss, Wooyoung pouted a little but San kissed it off. “Come on, we need to start now.”

Wooyoung smiled incredibly big as he shook his head extravagantly and raised his arms up in the air. “Sanie, make me purple!”

So San made him purple. Light purple though.

Wooyoung giggled, sang, talked about how he saw a cat down the street and he almost adopted it but because of San’s allergies he gave up, and how he almost burned down the kitchen trying to make brownies and had to clean up when San was out running errands while San smiled and listened carefully to what he had to say. He also thought about telling him about his classes but then realized he didn’t have anything to say. He didn’t even attend any of his classes anymore.

He and San just stayed at home, laying around, making out all the time and making love occasionally, cooking, cleaning but together. Always together.

He didn’t even remember the last time he _properly_ saw anyone but San.

But he didn’t mind, he didn’t even _care_ as San painted his blonde hairstreaks of lilac skillfully, since he had been doing the colored mullet _and_ the white streak in front of his hair himself for years now, he had mastered it quite a bit. Wooyoung closed his eyes with a smile when he ran out of stuff to talk about and San was too focused to speak, he basked in the peaceful silence of San’s breathing, the clicking of plastic to plastic as San wiped the excess dye on the corner of the cup but then he couldn’t do it anymore.

He had to tell him what had been lying in the back of his mind.

“I saw Yeosang the other day.” He started, like he had been waiting to say the words waiting at the threshold for minutes now, the nerves in his voice masked with an improvised smile tugging the corner of his lips.

San’s hand froze in the for a second. Wooyoung took San’s silence as a sign to keep going while he could.

“I ran into him around the campus, about two days ago. He apologized. Said he missed being with me.”

San kept putting the dye on Wooyoung’s remaining blonde streaks, diligently. “What did you say?” He murmured, soft. Too soft.

_“Hi, San, can we- umm I was hoping that we could talk for a bit?” Yeosang told San, his hands were made into tiny fists which he released when he realized the situation._

_San looked at him like he was a cockroach from the spot he stopped walking to his atelier. “Well, I really need to be somewhere-”_

_“I promise it’ll be short.” Yeosang interrupted and then looked around for the heads that turned towards them in curiosity._

_San sighed as he rolled his eyes to land them on a spot far from where Yeosang was. “Well, go ahead. I really don’t have much time.”_

_Yeosang cleared his throat and looked like he was visibly pushing the words out of himself. “I just- just wanted to say that, I'm sorry for punching you. I know that me apologizing obviously won't erase the memory but...” He stopped to gulp down a particular lump in his throat and San almost turned red from how much he loved it. “I don't even know what I was thinking. I was a bit of out of it, drinking and shit, also there's been some misunderstanding, and I know these are just excuses but I'm really sorry.” He frowned a little, concern written all over his features. “Wooyoung’s my best friend and I would never intend to do anything that would upset him, so yeah...”_

_San looked and looked at him for seconds in the middle of the halls just to raise his eyebrows. “Well, I remember that he was actually quite upset that night…”_

_Yeosang nodded as he lowered his gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I figured that much since he stopped talking to me. So, will you just please tell him that-”_

_“I can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do Yeosang,” San stated outright and Yeosang couldn’t even hide the roll of his eyes. He knew it was all bullshit that San can’t make Wooyoung do whatever the fuck he wants him to do, but Yeosang was struggling on thin ice._

_San smiled, almost sick with the way the corners of his lips turned upwards. “If you want to, you can talk to him, but... It's just that we really don't need any unstable people in our lives right now...”_

_All of the emotions Yeosang had to suppress almost twisted his hand in wanting to punch the shit out of him right then and there but then again, he was on thin fucking ice and-_

_“And if you still act like you’re not gonna approve me, or our relationship, I don't think there's even a point in trying, you know? It's just gonna upset Woo more and the last thing I want is seeing him even more upset, do you understand me?”_

_Yeosang really wanted scream at him for all the times San himself made Wooyoung so fucking miserable that he could not even function anymore. San saw it, really saw it in Yeosang’s eyes and waited for him to break and just lose it already, but Yeosang only bit his lips and kept his mouth shut, nodded obediently._

_“Oh, and also, if you talk to him, don't tell him about this. I assume you wouldn’t want him to think you're doing something behind his back, right?” San put a smile on his lips once again, but it felt wrong to Yeosang in so many ways. “Now, I’m really gonna be late so… See you around, maybe?”_

_And then he left Yeosang standing there in the middle of the hallway with probably ten and a steadily increasing number of people talking about their spontaneous little chat just for shits and giggles as he closed the door to his atelier from behind him._

“I…” He thought for a second. “I didn’t say anything, I just-”

He stopped. Why didn’t he say anything?

“What? Did you, like, run away or something?” San snickered and Wooyoung elbowed him slightly.

“No, I just-”

“I don’t want him in our lives, Woo.” San murmured, still soft as ever but a little bit firmer. Wooyoung vaguely thought of protesting.

“I don’t want him but it’s fine if you would want to keep him around.” He carefully dyed the last straw of blonde hair the pretty lilac color and put the brush and plastic cup along with the rubber gloves in it on the table beside them. Wooyoung looked at him with his unintentional puppy eyes as San walked around the chair to kneel before him.

“You wouldn’t?”

“Of course not.” San held his hands and placed sweet kisses on top of them, impossibly gentle as he looked into his eyes. “You are the most important thing in this world, you know that.”

Wooyoung smiled so bright San almost got blinded, but he wouldn’t mind. “Is it done?”

San smiled back with his brightest smile, nodded. “Yes. You will be a lilac head in 40 minutes.”

But then winced slightly because of his split lip. Or maybe because of the pain behind his head ever since he hit his head when Wooyoung pushed him and gave him a concussion.

Or maybe because of the cut on his leg when Wooyoung accidentally cut him while they were cooking together, and he waved the knife around too much.

Or maybe because of the still-healing wounds on his forearm from another fight that ended in Wooyoung having a very bad panic attack and San having to calm him down before he could even tend to his own arm literally bleeding everywhere.

Or maybe because of the dark eye he received when they stupidly got into a fight because Wooyoung had to curse at someone when he drank too much.

Maybe from all of them. All at once.

But he didn’t even _care_.

Wooyoung looked at San facing him with his hands tightly holding his own and smiled biggest as he wrapped his arms around San’s shoulders.

“I love you, Sanie.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Did I tell you guys that Yunho is coming back tonight?” Hongjoong chirped over the loud music, almost inaudible to the habitants of their table in the middle of the bar, with a shot glass that he hadn’t had a chance to down yet ever since he started texting Yunho. Wooyoung and Yeosang looked at him with absolute dead eyes, cocktails in front of them already halfway gone.

“Yes, hyung. About twenty times already.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless because he hadn’t seen Hongjoong this happy since Yunho left to study abroad in Australia about three months ago.

“But, Wooyoung-ah, my baby just completed a very important computer fellowship and is coming back safe and sound, can you not be a bitch, I’m happy!” Hongjoong finally downed the little amount of drink in the small glass and put it on the table, though it didn’t even make a sound over the white noise of the other bar-goers. Wooyoung giggled at his attics and Yeosang took a sip from his own drink.

“He’s not your baby yet, hyung!” San laughed from beside Wooyoung where he had his arm around his waist. Hongjoong completely ignored him and typed a “Have a good flight!” embroidered with various heart emojis to Yunho that was about to board on his plane from Australia in about ten minutes.

Shortly after Hongjoong’s weird not-very-confession-like confession to Yunho at Wooyoung’s birthday, as much as Yunho told San -and as Hongjoong told Yunho because he remembered absolutely nothing of the previous night- Hongjoong dragged Yunho outside, _considered kissing him until the sun came back up and everyone went back to their homes_ -literal quotation-, but Yunho fell asleep on him while they were making out and Hongjoong had to call a cab to take him home and put him in bed, then had left just like that. Nothing else.

And when the morning came and they just _had to_ talk about it because Hongjoong was about to commit death out of embarrassment but was like, _I have to take responsibility, I’m the older one,_ Yunho said he didn’t remember anything and Hongjoong thought the window behind him looked very appealing in some ways.

And then he told him all about it, Yunho told Hongjoong he will be going abroad in a few days to study and even if not, he was still too heartbroken to start anything new and even Yunho heard the sound of Hongjoong’s heart breaking into million pieces in his chest but Hongjoong still smiled, he still smiled like everything was fine and told him he could act like nothing happened and they can keep hanging out like before, and that was when Yunho felt his own heart crush painfully behind his ribs.

 _For some reason, I can’t bear the thought of hurting him, San-ah_ , Yunho told San and when San laughed at him for being too cheesy he added, angrily, _It’s not that I feel anything of that kind for him but I don’t want to hurt him, he’s just so small and fragile-looking,_ San hit his head and told him to man up and go get his man.

But he didn’t. He and Hongjoong decided to wait until Yunho came back to even think of starting something new.

Their constant to-and-fro messaging and late-night calls that led to questionable places over the course of the last three months Yunho was away told a very different story though.

San did not exactly understand what was going on between the two but just let it be.

Hongjoong threw himself on the better part of the table to pout and whine while kicking his feet. “Yunho boarded!”

Wooyoung put his own drink on the table and since San got invested in speaking to the other art nerds while he and Yeosang chit chatted and loosened his arm around him, he reached out to pat his hyung on his now bright red hair. “It’s fine, hyung. He’ll be here in eleven hours.”

Hongjoong whined even more. “But I want to suck his dick already!”

Yeosang cleared his throat while Wooyoung tried not to scream laughing and alert the other habitants of their big table, most of which he did not even see in his life before. “Hyung, I thought you didn’t start anything?”

Hongjoong swiftly raised his head with a frown, looked at both of them with a pout on his lips, grabbed his phone and got up from his chair to get more alcohol after yelling “Let me live!” with a huff.

San cut off his heated conversation with a girl and two guys from his class to turn to look at them with a puzzled look and Wooyoung smiled at his cute nose, couldn’t stop himself from giving it ten thousand smooches.

Yeosang took another sip from his drink. “He’s just crying about Yunho again. Nothing big.”

San giggled and hugged Wooyoung to stop him from molesting his nose. Wooyoung, instead of letting San return to his conversation, started molesting his lips in a tender kiss. Rest of the table made shameless hollering sounds like they were ten-year-olds. Seonghwa sent Yeosang a look from the very far side of the table and Yeosang calmly kept sipping his sweet alcoholic beverage without sparing him a glance.

When Hongjoong returned to table with two glasses of weirdly colored cocktails and a guy carrying a tray of six shots and lemon pieces to match, Wooyoung has been desperately trying to keep San’s attention on himself. But he was miserably failing with every passing second of his conversation with the other art department people full of art shit he had too little knowledge to have a grasp of.

It was a meeting San’s classmates from his department organized after all, of course he got it; but then again, Wooyoung deep down wasn’t exactly fond of the way San fixed all of his attention on someone else while he was literally right beside him. He tried getting involved in the conversation, but he either had to drop out after two sentences because, like, he was a psychology student, or they were too engrossed in the art museum that opened on the other side of the world that even San didn’t respond.

So, when the arm around his waist dropped down simply because San forgot to pay attention to it while he was adjusting his posture to face the girl he was currently talking to, _Jueun, was it,_ Wooyoung finally got rid of the half-smile-half-grimace on his face and properly pouted.

He waited for San to realize that _hello, he was right there,_ but San just kept getting more and more into the conversation that now changed into different painting techniques to use for oil painting and he could only pout and bottom-up the remaining part of his drink to attack Yeosang’s, while he and Seonghwa were still sending each other sneaky and ultimately stupid glances over the countless heads between them.

Wooyoung grimaced when he put the now empty glass back. “What the fuck is up with you two?"

Yeosang looked at him with the straightest face as he picked up the empty glass to glare at it. "What do you mean?"

Wooyoung opened his mouth to elaborate on how he and Seonghwa have been looking at each other all the fucking time lately and he was not really sure about how he felt about that but chose to close it back due to his already existent frustration.

Yeosang looked at him, saw it all in a mere second and kicked his own chair to grab his arm. "Come on. We're going to dance."

Wooyoung tried to protest for a mere second before San realized Yeosang trying to pry him away from his seat amidst his heated conversation with now a different girl that, unlike Wooyoung that has been struggling miserably, joined them. Yeosang stopped dragging him inch by inch and Wooyoung looked at San when he held his arm and tilted his head.

“Where are you going?” San yelled over the music and Wooyoung reached closer to him to say, “We’re going to… dance a bit.”.

San considered for a second but nodded with a small smile that was a bit artificial for any of their tastes anyway. “Be careful.”

Wooyoung looked at the way the colorful bar lights shined over his eyes for a second before he nodded too.

Yeosang wanted to roll his eyes but managed not to.

Fifteen minutes later, Wooyoung added more than what he had already consumed all night in his system, with glasses still full in their hands and bodies grinding on each other on the dance floor did not bother any of them; Wooyoung because, obviously, he was drunk and Yeosang because Wooyoung finally smiled.

“Mister, are you done dancing yet? The floor is not holding up.” Yeosang yelled over the blasting music with a stupid smile on his face and Wooyoung giggled as he pushed Yeosang’s shoulder in a fancy body roll.

“Shut up! I’ll show everyone here who’s the dance king.” Wooyoung yelled, voice breaking at some point as he raised his glass over his head, spilling some on the squeaky floors of the bar and some on himself, and then proceeded to shake his butt to the rhythm of the now an even more upbeat song. Yeosang laughed around his glass as he downed several sips of his now a little bit bitterer beverage.

Ten minutes later, they had to stop by the bar for a refill and the barman treated Wooyoung something surprisingly decent and Wooyoung winked at him, to which Yeosang hit his shoulder, laughing incredulously.

Four minutes later, they returned on the dance floor that now had even more people trying to tear it apart with their feet and found a place for themselves between the convulsing bodies as the music blasted through the speakers.

Seven minutes later, Yeosang was kissing Seonghwa in the middle of tens of people and Wooyoung was _grinding_ on someone.

It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to, it was just that… the guy was behind him and he was dancing and Wooyoung was dancing and he _absolutely_ had too much to drink and when the guy behind him that he didn’t even know the face of got a bit too close and then Wooyoung didn’t even properly realize what he was doing until he guided his hips with a hand on them.

But he didn’t care. Because San apparently didn’t care so why did he have to? Also, Yeosang wasn’t stopping him so it shouldn’t have been considered a problem, he supposed.

He turned around to smile at the guy and giggled at the affection when another turned him around to wrap an arm around him.

“Can I have your name?” The first guy leaned down to his ear to yell over the noise.

“Wooyoung!” Wooyoung yelled back and the second guy smiled at him, white teeth on display as Wooyoung swayed from side to side.

“I am Jaehyun and this is Minseok.” The other man leaned in and Wooyoung got ticklish with their breaths so close. They looked like friends.

“Why are you dancing alone?” Minseok yelled and held Wooyoung’s arm as an anchor as he swayed along with him.

Wooyoung downed a couple of sips of his drink as he shook his head from side to side in a hurry and mumble “My- my friend is…”, and looked around to see Seonghwa sucking Yeosang’s neck in the middle of the crowd but did not question for the time being. “Over there.”

Jaehyun and Minseok both looked at the direction he was looking at and nodded. “He looks busy.”

Wooyoung nodded as his attention diverted to his now empty glass.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around his shoulder to lean into his space to say “I think we should go somewhere else. All three of us.”

Wooyoung finally stopped glaring at his glass to make it magically fill back up and blinked at him. “Why?”

Minseok laughed at his cuteness. “Wooyoung-ssi, I think you would know why. We like you.” He tucked a strand of hair behind Wooyoung’s ear when Jaehyun stepped away and Wooyoung blinked a bit more.

“Ah, no, I have a boyf-” He started but was cut off when a familiar but too strong grip yanked him away from both of them.

“Excuse us,” San mumbled, angry like Wooyoung never saw him before as he dragged him in the crowd until he couldn’t contain it anymore.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Wooyoung grimaced at the too-tight grip on his arm as he tried to free it. “Hurts…” He whined. San immediately released him and Wooyoung stumbled into someone throwing their ass back simultaneously, almost tumbled down to the floor.

“I’m _dancing_.” He frowned when he collected himself enough to stand up. San gritted his teeth as he caught a glimpse of the men Wooyoung was _flirting_ with seconds ago.

“What you were doing is fucking _grinding_ on people while I’m literally two meters away, Wooyoung, are you fucking kidding me right now?” San yelled, loud enough he didn’t have to try to be heard, his hand on his waist and free arm pointing angrily at the men in question. They quickly blended into the crowd when they realized the situation.

A few heads that were sober enough turned to their direction and Yeosang finally realized Wooyoung was not in his sight.

“No, I was not- I-” Wooyoung stuttered, felt everything spin around him and tried not to vomit all over everyone around them.

“I can’t believe, like- I’m right there, Wooyoung, what the _fuck_?!”

“ _Right there_ , my ass! You didn’t even- didn’t even look at my face, you dumbass!” Wooyoung yelled back, words sluggish and body occasionally swaying from side to side. Yeosang pried the crowd in a panic to try and determine where the faint voices were coming from, because _Oh fuck_ , as he left Seonghwa in the crowd just like that.

“I said I was _dancing_ , what do you want??”

“Wooyoung, you were giving a standing lap dance to some random guy!”

“You were falling in love with- with that girl and then that guy and then _paintings_ -” Wooyoung trailed off when he saw Yeosang and his whole face lit up in a smile as he wrapped his arms around his neck that had multiple mysterious fresh bruises on it. “Yeosangie, I missed you! Where were you?”

Yeosang hugged him back when Wooyoung stumbled into him and San was _shaking_.

“San, what’s wrong? Did someone try to-” Yeosang started but San interrupted him, rather harshly, when he held Wooyoung’s arm once more to pull him towards himself. Wooyoung stumbled and fell into his hold and rested his head on San’s chest instinctively in a futile attempt to save his vision from spinning so much he almost Did It.

“It’s fine. Just go back to wherever the fuck you were.” San snapped and Yeosang frowned, worried.

“No, it’s my responsibility, I offered him to dance because he was so bored and felt left out. It’s my fault.”

“Yes!” San yelled once more, furious. “Yes, it’s your fault your friend is trying to fuck someone else in front of his own boyfriend.”

Yeosang frowned, tried to hold back the venom in his mouth like he always did, without a sweat and second thought, but maybe because of how many shots he had or because of the adrenaline rush he was feeling because of tens of people dancing around them, he just couldn’t do it this time.

His worried face changed in a way no human should be capable of.

“No, it’s your fault for neglecting your boyfriend while he was right beside you. I just fixed it.”

San looked at him with fire in his eyes burning so hot it almost felt like humidity hanging in the air was caused by him.

He got closer and closer to him with Wooyoung between them still clinging to San’s shirt restricting the movement, but San did not even _care_ as he growled deep in his throat. “You have no fucking right to talk about that so shut your fucking mouth.”

Yeosang flinched by the dangerous tone to his voice and Wooyoung frowned as he tightened his fist but could not do anything but lean his forehead against San’s collarbones without throwing up everything in his stomach.

Seonghwa finally found his way around the crowd and put his hand on Yeosang’s shoulder, brows furrowed in confusion. “What happened?”

San threw him the same look he was giving Yeosang and wrapped his arms around Wooyoung not to let him just stumble down while he dragged him towards the nearest exit. “Come on. Let’s go out for a bit.”

“I can’t believe this…” San grumbled, sitting on the sidewalk with his face hidden in his hands and Wooyoung coughed up the last remaining of what was in his stomach into a nearby bush and sat down on the concrete to spit the bitter taste in his mouth. They walked quite a bit away from the club to find a quieter place because Wooyoung said it pounded his head.

“I really didn’t appreciate what you said back there.” Wooyoung murmured, squeezing his eyes shut because they felt like they might pop out of his head due to dryness. He felt a lot soberer now that he got some fresh air into his lungs and was not hypnotized by blinding colorful lights.

San raised his head to take a glance at the way Wooyoung combed his black hair matted to his forehead with sweat. “What?”

Wooyoung got up, stumbled for a second until he regained his balance and looked at him. “I don't think you should be talking to Yeosang like that.”

“Like what?” San snapped as he got up to walk closer to him, almost threateningly. “Like he doesn’t have a say in our relationship? Does he now? You weren’t even talking to each other just days ago.”

“As if that’s not what you told me to do.” Wooyoung murmured. His drunk brain thinking, or hoping, San wouldn’t hear.

He did though.

“Are you hearing yourself? Do you even remember what he did to me?” San frowned as his hand angrily pointed towards himself.

“Well, I remember it, and I think you were just exaggerating the whole time.”

San looked at him, completely incredulous and just- laughed. “Oh, am I now?”

“Yeah, you are…” Wooyoung said stubbornly, not even realizing the venom surrounding his laugh. “A- and I just think it’s funny that how Yunho always gets to shit on me while I don’t even open my mouth because I know it would make you mad.” He stopped to gather his thoughts and caught the glimpse of a car passing by the road beside them. “Yeosang finally says something to you for the first time ever and you just lose it…”

San made a sound close to a scoff as he rolled his eyes. He realized they have strayed a considerable amount from the bar since they started- whatever the fuck that was. “You know that’s different, right?”

“How is that any different?” Wooyoung frowned as he flailed his arms around in drunk frustration. “If Yeosang doesn’t get to intervene neither does he.”

“It’s different because he makes sense.”

“What the fuck does that even supposed to mean?!” Wooyoung finally yelled as he felt all his frustration pour out of his ears.

“Did you hear what he said to me back there? He was basically justifying your behavior.” San pointed back towards the bar where Yeosang metaphorically was.

“My behavior?!” Wooyoung yelled even louder as he pointed at his chest, furious and took a couple of steps away from where they needed to be at that moment. San stomped in the same direction without even realizing.

“Yeah, you being your classic attention whore self and all.” San hissed out and Wooyoung stopped with eyes as big as saucers filled with wrath.

“Attention whore?!” Wooyoung yelled so much his voice cracked. He didn’t even feel drunk anymore.

San stopped along with him to yell as much as he did. “Yes! I’m so fucking tired of it, like- You even got yourself into a fucking threesome back there, are you insane?!”

“That’s not- UGH stop being such an asshole already!” Wooyoung yelled back as he swung his arm in the air. “You didn’t even give me a single glance ALL NIGHT and then had the audacity to blame me for shit, what are you even saying?!”

“I’m saying that you intended to cheat on me back there!” San pushed Wooyoung’s shoulder and waved his arm in the air. Wooyoung pulled at his hair.

“Are you hearing yourself?! I would never cheat on your sorry ass, you dumb fuck because I love you!”

“ _Really_ didn’t feel like it when you were grinding on strangers back there, or when you decided to throw fucking _scissors_ at my head just days ago-” San started, arms crossed at his chest and Wooyoung grimaced as he remembered the fight they had two days ago and how it ended with Wooyoung losing himself, throwing literal scissors at San’s head, scissors getting stuck at the wall as both of them were dumbfounded and how Wooyoung broke down when he finally realized what he had done. San had to hug him for almost an hour to calm him down even though he himself was shaking _very_ badly.

He was too mad to admit his heart breaking right there on the spot though.

“How many times do I have to apologize for that, huh?! It was an _accident_ and maybe if you weren’t such an asshole to me all the fucking time maybe I wouldn’t get _that_ blinded by my anger!” He didn’t even watch anything that went out of his mouth at this point, but deep down he knew. He knew he was right and all San did was be an asshole to him. All this time.

He somehow felt like he could see everything wrong right then and there.

San stopped, looked at him incredulously and closed his eyes for a second. “You know what, let’s just stop.”

Wooyoung frowned, put down his arms that he furiously waved around, felt the world around him spin for the last time. “Stop what?”

“This, right now. I don’t want to deal with any of it.” San said, did not even look Wooyoung in the eyes as he turned around to walk towards the road, for no particular reason other than getting away from Wooyoung.

Wooyoung heard a distant engine whirring close to them before he saw the lights shining in the darkness of the night.

“Stop rambling. You do the same thing all the time, just say it. I won’t break.” He said as he watched San’s back get away from him in angry but disappointed stomps. San stopped and turned towards him once more.

Almost down the sidewalk.

“Let’s just break up then. Like your sorry ass can live a day without me.” He said with a voice filled with so much disappointment and pent up relief to finally get it off his chest that Wooyoung felt tears immediately blur his vision of his figure.

“What?... Sanie, no-” He started but San rolled his eyes to somewhere that was not him and even that was enough to chop his heart pieces and scatter it all around the world. The whirring got even closer. Too closer.

“I’m going home,” San said, stepped down the sidewalk in a backstep, took a couple more, watching how Wooyoung was on the verge of breaking down.

Wooyoung wanted to tell him to _stop_ and that _they can fix this_ , _he was being irrational_ but then-

He doesn’t even properly recall how fast it happened.

The lights illuminating the road as the only source of light shines on San’s body in the middle of the road and even he doesn’t realize what is going on until it is too late and he is blinded by them.

Wooyoung feels something screeching and cannot determine if it was the wheels, himself or both at the same time, but the last thing he sees before San’s body disappears from his sight is his eyes looking at his own with absolute fear in them.

The next time he sees San’s body again, he is laying down on the dark asphalt of the road, only a few feet away from Wooyoung’s feet, with an equally dark pool of something Wooyoung does not want to address growing darker around where his head is.

The car stops a few more feet away for a couple of seconds but takes off to nowhere in another couple.

Wooyoung does not even realize the trip from where he was standing horrified to San’s now immobile body, does not realize the tears streaming down his face, does not realize that he is practically screaming as he hovers his hand’s over San’s arm that is bent in a strange way but he doesn’t dare touch it.

And when San thinks about it, as Wooyoung wails above him with a voice so broken and life slowly drains out of him in the form of red, angry drops, it all started that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27k is the most i've ever written in my life i can't believe this is actually over omg dksjkksk  
> also please don't hate wooyoung he's a cutie  
> and leave a kudos if you would thank you for reading!!  
> twt /monooclock if you want to scream at me for making you suffer

**Author's Note:**

> 27k is the most i've ever written i can't believe this is over sbdsnbs  
> also don't hate wooyoung he's a cutie pls  
> thank you for reading and leave a kudos!!  
> here's my [twt](https://twitter.com/monooclock) if you would like to yell at me for making you suffer nsndn


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